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12.29.2007 "Holiday Heart And Soul"
Here is another entry which is inspired by
Ashley
who was inspired by
UNphotographable....
This is a picture I did not take of myself and my cousin Tammy playing
"Heart and Soul" on the piano. We are sitting side-by-side on the
creaky piano bench at our aunt's house, the gooseneck lamp perched above
us illuminating the ivories. We both wear black outfits and have
longish dark hair, and from behind we could definitely pass as sisters.
Our posture is bad as we hunch over the keys, focusing intently on the
melody and accompaniment. And as we consistently mess up the
simple tune, we look at each other and burst out laughing and wonder
what happened to our years of Royal Conservatory piano training from our
childhood.
12.26.2007 "Barnyard Household"
On Christmas Day my family came over for an all-day
eating marathon (homemade wonton, garlic prawns, ribs, salmon, salad,
cheese and crackers, fresh baked pecan pie - the list goes on). It
was fantastic. Now, our household has always referred to ourselves
as the three little pigs since Robin, myself and Sloane were all born in
the Chinese year of the Pig. But my sister-in-law pointed out that
we're also three birds. There's Robin (obvious one) and he often
calls me "Ren" (oh yeah - Wren). And ever since Sloane got her
Halloween
chicken outfit, we've often called her "Chicken."
It's a regular barnyard over here. I love it.
12.23.2007 "Have a Carb-Filled Christmas"
When we came home from the hospital with Sloane after
she was born, our next-door neighbours were ecstatic for us. They
are a family of 5 (2 parents, 3 children) and we like them very much.
We knocked on their door to introduce our brand new baby. They all
cheered with joy and ooh'd and aw'd and the parents offered us any help
we needed. So sweet. It was a short visit because we were
exhausted and wanted to get settled.
We weren't sitting down for more than an hour when
the doorbell rang. It was the mother and she was carrying a pot of
fresh, homemade pasta sauce (still warm) and some steaming spaghetti.
"You must rest and eat, and this will make everything easier for you,"
she told us, then smiled and went back to her house. OMG, it was
the best baby-related gift we received.
Well, today we got a knock on the door. It was
the mother from next-door. She called on us to wish us a Happy
Holidays and best wishes for Sloane's first Christmas and she dropped
off a large loaf of fresh, homemade Ethiopian bread. "Enjoy!" she
said, then smiled and went back to her house. I held the large,
heavy wheel in my arms and I could feel the warmth through the wrapping
paper. OMG, carbs as a gift again. So good. We
promptly cut up half the loaf and dipped it in some olive oil and
balsamic vinegar. Heaven. The best holiday-related gift
we've received so far.
12.19.2007 "Where's Uncle Mark?"
My mother was over at our house yesterday. I
was in the kitchen and she was in the living room with Sloane. I
heard my mom saying to her granddaughter, "Look, sweetie. It's
Uncle Mark.
Say 'hi' to Uncle Mark." What? It was a Wednesday afternoon.
Mark would be at work. And I can't recall any photos of him in the
living room. I went out to investigate.
And what do I see? My mother showing Sloane her
Fisher Price Farm Animal Sounds book. One of the illustrations is
a little boy who happens to be black. My mom was pointing to him
and referring to him as Uncle Mark for little Baloney. Too funny.
I called him and told him. He laughed his head off. I love
it.
12.16.2007 "Dreaming Of Updating My Journal"
This is weird, the first time for this. Last
night I dreamt of my journal update. Of course it's a bit fuzzier
now, but in my dream it was clear what I was going to write about.
It was a tongue-in-cheek entry about me having a crush on
Michael Cera. In
my dream I was going to say something to the effect: "Now don't get me
wrong, he played my favourite character on
'Arrested Development'
but I don't have the hots for him. He's quite boyish, I'd feel a
bit creepy about it."
Anyway. Here we are. I guess there's a
first time for everything.
12.13.2007 "Merry Christmas! Let Me
Just Cough On You...."
I got Sloane a crazy present for Christmas. I
found these Giant Microbe stuffed animal dolls on Commercial Drive that
were just too cute. Each warm and cuddly critter looks like the
tiny microbe that it represents (but obviously way bigger than actual
size). I thought the
Rabies
doll was quite adorable, as was the
Flu and
Black
Death. The
Common Cold was sold out and the
Venereal
Diseases weren't really up my alley. So I settled on the
Sore
Throat. I will be putting it in Sloane's stocking for sure!
What did you get your daughter for Christmas, people
will ask? Oh, some Strep Throat, I'll say. Heehee.
Yes, parent humour. Gotta love it.
12.12.2007 "The Best Gifts Are Hand-Made"
It was Robin's birthday yesterday. We decided
to celebrate quietly at home. He even commented that it was pretty
much like every other weeknight, but there was cheesecake and presents.
I gave him a bunch of gifts, but the one he liked the most was one that
I made. I decided to surprise him with a
personalized felt picture. It cost pennies to make and only
took a couple hours of my time. But it definitely was the most
personal and thoughtful of all the gifts he received. I'm glad he
appreciated it.
12.10.2007 "Bottom's Up!"
I had my first alcoholic drink in 18 months last
night. Can you believe it? I never touched alcohol while I
was pregnant (well, except when I had some of my mother-in-law's holiday
punch that had just a titch of vodka in it) and I haven't been in a rush
for any booze while breastfeeding. But Sloane's eating much more
solids these days, relying less and less on me for nourishment.
And I've been thinking about drinking again, for the past couple of
months. But to be honest I wasn't really concerned about any
effects it would have on Sloane. No, I was curious about how it
would affect me. Not having alcohol for such a long time would
affect my tolerance level, so I assumed. I was a lightweight to
start with, so I had images of me getting totally loopy on just one
drink.
But I'm happy to report that wasn't the case.
After I put the sleepy baby to bed around 7:30pm, I poured myself some
Bailey's over ice (my favourite holiday drink) and enjoyed it by the
fireplace. What a cliché image, huh? Regardless, it was
fantastic and I felt fine. I think I'll do the same tonight (and
maybe the next night after that, and so on).... Haha!
12.08.2007 "A Tearful Party"
Do you remember some of the short stories or novels
that you read in high school? I tell you, some of them have stuck
with me over the last couple of decades. The teenage mind is
easily impressionable at that stage and those must-read pieces of
literature are assigned to make us think and learn and grow, and as a
result I have never forgotten some things that I read back in school.
One such book is W. O. Mitchell's
"Who Has Seen The Wind?"
Sloane and I went to a birthday party recently.
One of her friends from Mommy Group turned one year old. Mommy
Sandy had about 8 of us over with our respective babies. There
were fresh-baked goodies, warm tea and wonderful gifts. There was
much crawling and toddling and parallel play, and of course some
laughing and crying. And birthday boy was all smiles and giggles,
playing with the wrapping paper and enjoying the attention. The 3
hours just raced by and when it was time to say good-bye we all left
with full bellies and sleepy children.
What a great first birthday celebration, I thought to
myself. Then I found myself thinking ahead to Sloane's first
birthday (not for another 3 months or so). I don't know why I
imagined this, but I thought: wouldn't it be terrible if I planned a
wonderful party but then it snowed and no one could show up? I
pictured my living room decorated with balloons and streamers, a
sugar-free cake in the oven, and food laid out on the table that would
just remain untouched and get cold over time. But of course Sloane
wouldn't notice or care - as long as she has her toys and mommy and a
full belly, she's pretty happy. Why did I think this? I
don't know.
But then I thought of the aforementioned book I read
in Grade 11 or 12. It tells the story of a boy growing up in the
prairies circa 1930. But one scene has stuck with my since I read
it. As I recall, in this small prairie town there is one Chinese
family amidst the predominately white population. The young girl
and boy from this immigrant family have handed out birthday invitations
to all their classmates. On the day of the party their teacher
drops by. She is greeted by the elderly Chinese father who is busy
preparing buns and pots of hot cocoa. When the teacher goes
upstairs to wish the children a happy birthday she finds them quiet and
sullen. They look at her, tears falling down their round faces.
And the teacher realizes that no one is coming to their party, they are
ostracized by their classmates because they are different. The
teacher says her well wishes and leaves. As she walks towards the
door she sees all the food and drinks set out on the table, and the
father is oblivious that it will go untouched because no guests will be
arriving....
Oh, help me. That would never happen to me and
my child, I would assume. But just thinking about that scene from
that book kills me. It gets me every time.
12.05.2007 "Don't Complain Unless You Can Do
Better - So I Did"
I was in a high-end children's store and saw some
really great art. They were cute, small designs made of felt (I
recall one was a whale and one an octopus) framed in shadow box frames,
and they would have been ideal decorations for Sloane's bedroom walls.
I considered buying one for my little one until I saw the price tag:
$100 each! I thought to myself, I bet I can do this myself.
So I set things in motion.
I went to Michael's craft store and bought some felt,
fabric glue, and a couple of frames. Then I thought of some
designs I would like to do and consulted Google Images for some ideas.
Then I made my first attempts at some felt art. I ended up making
a whale
and a
robot (note they are more impressive when framed, but I kept getting
a reflection from the flash when I tried to photograph them). I
will be giving the whale to my dear daughter for Christmas and I gave
the robot to Ivan for his birthday because it's just so him. And I
plan to do more - the ideas are just rolling in.
My felt art is by no means professional or perfect.
But I'm having a great time doing it. And most of all I'm so
pleased with myself, for thinking that I can do something and then
actually making it a reality. Proud moment.
12.01.2007 "Genius Baby"
I was told about this award-winning
toy that
stimulates babies' intellectual growth and sensory development. Very
cool, but I wasn't motivated enough to buy it. But then my mother
bought it for Sloane recently and we gave it to her. She took one
look at it, picked it up, rattled it around a bit, then put it down and
crawled off. She quickly found something else that captivated her
attention for a longer time: an empty egg carton.
I think it's hilarious. My daughter isn't
really interested in those specially-designed, genius-baby toys.
Instead she loves the mundane things around the house, e.g. newspapers,
empty 2L pop bottles, toilet paper rolls, etc. But what do I care?
As long as she's happy and amusing herself, I'm happy too.
11.29.2007 "What's My Shoe Size?"
I was in West Vancouver today trying on shoes.
I asked the sales associate for a 7 1/2. She nodded and smiled and
told me (didn't really ask, but not in a mean way) that she was going to
measure my foot before she ran and got me my shoes. Say what?
Measure my foot? Wow, I haven't had that done since I was like 7
years old and growing over night and wearing brown, suede Buster Brown
loafers. So I happily obliged.
She got me to put my foot in one of those crazy foot
measuring
devices,
then I stood up, and she confirmed that I was a 7 1/2. Now it's
official. And they even had my size in stock (I have a very common shoe
size). Yay.
11.27.2007 "My Non-Talent"
Some people might call it Murphy's Law, but I know
for me it's my special non-talent that I have. I always pick the
slowest line-up to be in. It doesn't matter where I am, what store
I'm visiting, but I always choose the line-up that takes the longest
time. And the worst part about it is I actually invest effort into
these situations, trying to scope out the various check-out lines.
I look at who is standing in front of me, how many items they have to
purchase, if they're doing any returns. But it's pointless because
the end result is always the same. My line-up moves the slowest.
And I see other customers that I had sized -up from other line-ups and
they're heading out the door with their bags, and I always think to
myself, "That could have been me."
Sigh. Why do I even bother?
11.25.2007 "You Can Call Me Santa Claus, the
Easter Bunny, and the Tooth Fairy"
Is it just me, or is it surprising when you hear that
kids believe in Santa Claus, or the Easter Bunny, or the Tooth Fairy?
When I was young, I never believed in any of it. I think back to
the earliest Christmas that I can remember and my brother telling me
point-blank, "It's Mom. There is no Santa Claus." I was just
concerned that I'd still get my presents. When that was confirmed,
I was fine with the situation and that was that. And no, I don't
think it was cruel of him to 'spoil the surprise' of the holiday season.
I mean, really - how was I supposed to believe the story about the fat
man in the suit delivering toys to all the children of the world on one
night? Ridiculous.
As for the Easter Bunny, I don't think I needed any
kind of explanation. I just knew I'd be getting my chocolate eggs
from my mother. Plus we had rabbits as pets when we were very
young. They were capable of getting into mischief, falling asleep
in our arms, and the usual eating/drinking/pooping. There was no
skipping around the yard hiding treats under the trees.
Impossible.
Then there's the Tooth Fairy. I think when it
was time for me to start placing my fallen teeth under my pillow (kind
of creepy when I think about it), my mother just told me that I should
expect a present. I didn't really ask who would give me the
present. Again, I was just happy to receive something for minimal
effort on my part, and I just assumed it was her. Sure enough, I
remember waking up that night when I heard my bedroom door open. I
looked up from my bed into the lighted hallway and saw the unmistakable
silhouette of my mother. She placed something on the floor just
inside the door then shut it again (it turned out to be a little doll in
a swing). Sweet.
So, when Sloane is older am I going to tell her wild
tales about the generous fat man in the red suit, or the hippity-hoppity
egg-hiding Easter Bunny or the nocturnal fairy that gives gifts in
exchange for teeth? Probably not. Why lie to her only to
have her disappointed when she discovers the truth? How deceitful
(and really, so unbelievable). Besides I think it would be way
hilarious for her to tell her young friends to wake up and get their
heads out of their asses. Too funny.
11.23.2007 "Cookie Party!"
OMG, I just made some oatmeal-raisin cookies and I
sampled one from the cooling rack. Okay, there's nothing quite
like an oven-warm, fresh-baked cookie. I swear I could eat them
all right now. Must. Control. Self.
11.22.2007 "Like Father, Like Daughter"
At our household we tell Sloane that she WILL like
Playmobil (when she's older). Have you seen these toy sets?
They're absolutely amazing. They're incredibly detailed and
entertaining and they are organized by such product categories as
"Pirates, Police, Farm, Hospital, Bunnies, etc." My personal
favourites are the seemingly mundane "City
Life" and "Modern
Living." I mean, when I was a young child, I would have loved
a Playmobil collection that included a Butcher Shop, Beauty Salon, etc.
Of course the family was turned on to Playmobil by
Robin. Before Sloane was born he even bought a couple of figurines
to decorate the baby's room. And my cousin's 4-year-old daughter
is a big fan too. At family gatherings I'll hear her talking to
Robin about her latest Playmobil acquisition. He'll be asking all
sorts of questions about them and she'll be answering enthusiastically,
gesturing wildly with her hands, so excited that she trips over her
words. And he's genuinely interested in her answers. Too
cute.
So, this week I bought Sloane her first Playmobil
set, one she can actually play with (they're typically recommended for
4+ years). I stumbled across some Playmobil 1-2-3 sets geared for
the younger tots and selected a
tub toy for her. It's so freaking adorable. I'm so
excited to give it to her on Christmas and watch her play with it.
But hopefully Daddy doesn't commandeer it first....
11.20.2007 "It Was Once Lost, But Now It's
Found"
After that last windstorm we had on the Lower
Mainland (sometime last week?) I noticed right away that something was
missing from our patio. Something kind of big wasn't there
anymore. Oh dear. The patio umbrella was nowhere to be seen.
The wind must have just caught it at the right angle, opened it right up
and sent it sailing over our yard. After a quick inspection of the
neighbours' places we figured it was gone for good. I even took a
walk around the block with Sloane to see if I could spot it. But
then I had images of it impaling someone's car windshield or worse yet
someone's pet. Suddenly I wasn't so keen to find it.
A week went by and we resigned ourselves to the fact
that we'd have to pick up a new umbrella for next summer. But then
yesterday I was outside on the deck and noticed our umbrella was back
again, standing up on the ground and leaning against our deck.
Someone had found it and knew it was ours and gave it back. Crazy!
And no glass shards or blood on it. Whew.
11.18.2007 "Everything Counts in Small
Amounts"
Farshad and I finally checked out the new H&M
department store in Coquitlam Center. We arrived at 7pm, went our
separate ways (me to Women's and he to the Men's section) and we didn't
see or call each other until we met at the check-out at 9pm. He
had loaded up on an entirely new wardrobe and I managed to find just a
few things (some shirts and a pair of pants). I also bought a hat
for $8. As the cashier was ringing up my purchases I thought to
myself, "I'm probably going to like this hat the most out of everything
I just bought."
Sure enough - later that week I wore it to Mommy
Group and I got so many compliments on it. I love it. I find
with life that often the smallest, seemingly-insignificant things bring
happiness. Best $8 I have spent in awhile.
11.15.2007 "What's Next, Decorating Your Swifter
Mop?"
Ivan and I went to Ikea and HomeSense earlier this
week one afternoon. Ah, what a leisurely life it is for the
stay-at-home-moms and the temporarily-mildly-disabled. We couldn't
help but notice all the holiday/Christmas paraphernalia that was already
on display (well, how could you not - it's everywhere in the stores).
At HomeSense I checked out the fake Christmas tree
displays. Now, I'm not opposed to fake trees. In fact, I support
them. I've had them for the past 3 decades of my life, give or
take a few years. But I couldn't help but be a bit critical of the
edgy, fashion-forward trees that were at the store. They wasn't a
single green branch in the house. Instead it was a sea of
psychedelic-coloured arms (and no pine needles I might add). And one of
them just killed me. It looked like one of those ostrich-feather
dusters that we had when I was young, from the 1970s. I don't think the
branches were strong enough to support any decorations. And it was
electric pink. OMG. It was crazy. But I guess it's
practical. You could use it to clean your house during the off-holiday
season...
11.11.2007 "Momma's Got a Brand New Bag"
Brent paid us a visit this evening. We scarfed
down some homemade cookies and watched Sloane eat her dinner and had a
few laughs. He also gave me my belated birthday gift, something he
picked up while in Italy a couple of weeks ago.
I opened the package and found the most beautiful
purse - sexiness, oh-so-very-Italian quality encased in fine green
leather craftmanship. A thing of beauty, indeed. I tried it
on for size so to speak. Even though I was wearing track pants and
a shirt splattered with baby food, the sexy package under my arm made me
feel like a million bucks (or that should be euros, or lira). Thanks,
Brent. What a thoughtful, enchanting gift.
11.08.2007 "Crafty"
I packed Sloane into the stroller and hopped on the
skytrain today. We went to Waterfront Station where we met Uncle
Ivan. Then we made our way to the Canada Place Convention Center
to attend the Circle Craft Fair and we entered the world of crafts....
I'm glad I went. I bought the cutest necklace - it's a sterling
silver penguin. I had a great time looking around at all the
clothing, jewelry, leather goods, etc. But I felt like I had
entered some bizarre world, one which was foreign to me. We found
ourselves surrounded by lots of women, typically older women. They
had silver hair or faux-coloured hair and they wore lots of shawls,
hats, boots, brooches and wraps. They would walk very slowly in
clusters of 3 or 4. They wore bright red lipstick and brown eye
shadow and they had money to spend, evidenced by their bunches of
shopping bags that they grasped with gloved hands. They all had
good posture and walked like regal peacocks amongst the crowds.
They looked like the type of women that you'd hate to piss off or get
into a verbal altercation with, as I'm sure their well-manicured nails
were filed down to polished points. Ivan kept humming the theme to
"The Golden Girls",
which was subtle yet cheeky enough to make me laugh.
As we passed the 'Things Made From Recycled Rubber' and the countless
leather booths, I was reminded that the last time I had been at the
convention center was 2 years ago at the Sex Show. It had been all
sex toys and lingerie and bedroom paraphernalia and quite a different
crowd from the one today. As I pushed Sloane along and checked out
the baby hats Ivan and I had a good laugh. How far I'd come.
Ah, let's just hope that in 25 years I won't be one of those
craft-shopping ladies. That would be just too bizarre.
11.05.2007 "I'll Stay With the Old Charlotte"
We watched the latest version of the movie "Charlotte's
Web." It was pretty good. But one thing that really stuck out
for me was the Charlotte character. She looked more like a
real-life spider than the animated one I first saw in the 1970s,
complete with 8 eyes and mandibles. Gaaaaah. I remember the Old
Charlotte having just 2 eyes and a visible smile. Every time there
was a close-up on the new, 'improved' Charlotte I would get a major case
of the creepy-crawlies ("But she's Charlotte! She's so nice!" I'd have
to constantly remind myself).
Then the other day we found a spider egg in the door frame of the car
(right beside Sloane's carseat, I might add). Oh, just like
Charlotte's babies. But please get rid of it now, I asked Robin.
Could you imagine if the egg had hatched while I was driving?
Double Gaaaaaahhh. As Robin peeled the sticky layers off, he told
me the thousands of little 8-legged babies probably would have yelled "Wheeeeee!"
as they flew around on threads around the car. Uhm, no. That
doesn't make me feel any better.
11.02.2007 "Raising a Veggie-Saurus"
Lately I've been trying to steer my daughter away
from meat. I make some of her food for her like mashed carrots,
steamed yams, apple sauce, etc. But I haven't made her any meat
dishes yet. We have bought some 'Turkey Casserole' in a jar and
fed it to her, but I hesitate to broil her up some chicken and mash it
with rice. I just find the idea of my daughter chomping down (more
like gumming) on a chicken leg kind of disturbing even though I have no
problem prepping meat for the adults in our household. Instead I
feed her tofu. And I plan to introduce cheese soon. It's like I
secretly wish my daughter will be vegetarian. Interesting.
11.01.2007 "The Silence of the Trees"
I knew it was going to happen. The signs went
up last week, all around the park across the street from our house.
Big, orange, triangular signs. Warning: Tree Work Ahead. We
assumed they were going to cut a few of the big boys down (especially
after last year's horrific wind storms). But then I came home one day
and heard the wood chipper. Shudder. What a horrible sound.
There's something so cruel and horrific about using that brutal machine.
I think being cut down must be pretty traumatic enough for a tree, but
then to be fed into a metal mouth with giant blades that cut you into
sawdust? The horrors. It's like boiling shellfish alive.
You swear you can hear them scream.
I'll never forget something from my childhood. It was Christmas
Day and my family was driving out to my aunt and uncle's in White Rock.
As we left North Vancouver we passed the Boy Scout's Christmas tree
corral. All the trees that didn't get sold that year were stacked
in a large pile and they were lit on fire. They were burning as
all their lucky counterparts that had been sold were safe and warm in
their owners' living rooms, decorated with lights and tinsel and strings
of popcorn, and surrounded by people sipping cocoa and eggnog. I
remember staring open-mouthed from the car, not being able to tear my
eyes from the giant green and orange fireball. I'm so glad our
family had moved to fake trees years ago. But I'll never forget
that sight. If trees could cry, I knew those poor unsold pines
were weeping for what could have been....
So all last week while the Parksboard people were doing their 'tree
work', I kept the living room blinds closed and the TV cranked to drown
out all sounds. But it didn't work entirely. I swear I could still
hear those poor trees scream.
10.31.2007 "It's All Gone Pumpkins"
It was Sloane's first Halloween this year. All
in all it was a quiet Halloween (compared to celebrations in the past)
but enjoyable nonetheless. I donned by trusty nun outfit (what a
great standby costume) and handed out treats to the local children.
And we put Sloane in her chicken outfit and let her roam around the
living room. Here is a
visual.
And a big part of the festivities this year was the pumpkin carving.
This year, for the first time ever, we carved pumpkins that were grown
in our own backyard. Yes, Farmer Robin's hard work paid off.
His garden generated 4 healthy pumpkins. We decided to give one to
our neighbour's and one was a little on the green side. But the
remaining 2 were perfect for us. Robin cleaned them out and I
baked the pumpkin seeds. Just a little bit of salt and some time in the
oven and voila - a tasty treat from my childhood. And I think
they're pretty healthy for you too? I carved my pumpkin as an alien, a
grey. And Robin winged his, using Beaker from the Muppet Show as sort of
an inspiration. I think they
turned
out really well. Considering the pet name in our household
(for all 3 of us) is "Pumpkin", you can imagine how many times we said
that word around the house on Halloween.
Next year I imagine it's going to be another bunch of
firsts. I'm going to try and make a pumpkin pie from scratch. And we'll
take Sloane trick-or-treating for her first time. I can't wait.
10.30.2007 "Scary Bob"
Since it's Halloween, I was trying to think of a
scary movie or TV show that has freaked the hell out of me in the past.
You know what I came up with? Killer Bob from "Twin Peaks." He still
scares me so much that I can't even bring myself to Google some images
to show you what he looks like. Terrifying.
I'll never forget the scene where the camera was panning across the
Palmer's living room, first focusing on a ceiling fan (Lynch is obsessed
with fans, I swear), then zooming in on the floral-print furniture set.
Suddenly, in the middle of this normal and and comfortably mundane
setting, Killer Bob sticks his head out from behind the sofa, his long,
greasy hair framing his scruffy, angular face, and that animal-like
guttural noise comes from his throat. So scary. Then of course there's
the scene where one of the characters looks in the mirror and we see
Killer Bob in the reflection. I swear my heart stopped when I first saw
that scene. My heart is racing just thinking about it. Forget "Saw" and
"Friday the 13th" and all those other scary Halloween movies they're
airing. Check out Bob if you want to give yourself a good scare this
year.
10.28.2007 "Rent-A-Sloane"
I've had the same conversation recently with 2 of my
single, male (straight) friends. We were talking about where they could
meet some eligible women. We
talked about them joining an Ultimate league, taking a cooking class,
enrolling in a running club, etc. But it all still seemed so
hit-or-miss. Suddenly I was hit with a brilliant idea. I remembered
something Robin said to me recently. Whenever he takes Sloane out on his
own, he gets lots of attention. Female attention. He told me that if it
wasn't for me, he'd be getting laid by strangers all the time. Nice.
But, yes - light bulb! I could loan (or rent) Sloane out to my friends
for an afternoon. I could get some free babysitting while I do some
shopping, and my
friends could just bask in all the female attention that they would
receive while having an adorable, smiling baby strapped to their chest.
Brilliant.
10.25.2007 "Hurry Up and Grow Up! I Want To Play With the
Toys!"
I was in Toys R Us today buying some wind chimes for Sloane's
stroller (they make such a beautiful sound!). I passed a bin full
of toys which were familiar. It was a whole pile Mr. Potato Heads.
I had one of those as a child! I loved it! I would play with
him for hours, and I'd even wear his little yellow, plastic eyeglasses
(which were way to small for my bigger-than-a-potato sized head).
But I quickly noticed these were the new, updated,
modern Mr. Potato Heads. Yes, an old toy with a twist. There
was the dress-up Spud as a
Transformer, as a
Star Wars character, as
Spider-Man. O-M-G. How cool is that? I grabbed the
Optimus Prime one, but saw that the age guide was 2+ years. Hmmmm,
lots of little plastic parts. Bad news for a small baby. I
guess it'll have to wait. Oh, Sloane - hurry up and grow up so we
can play with these cool toys!
10.24.2007 "Least Favourite Word"
I don't like the word 'secretary.' I've never liked it.
It makes me cringe, in fact. Whenever I hear people say it, the
word sounds so sharp and unnecessary and almost condescending. I
prefer the word 'assistant.' Why can't people just leave the 1980s
office lingo behind and get with the times?
10.22.2007 "Sandman Aqua-Aerobics"
Here is another entry which is inspired by
Ashley
who was inspired by
UNphotographable....
This is a picture I did not take of Sloane at our Baby & Me
Aqua-Aerobics class as she floats beside me in her inflatable donut.
We are surrounded by a dozen or so mothers who are also accompanied by
their little ones. The adults are all stretching and reaching and
lunging in unison, and water is being splashed everywhere. The
fitness instructor yells directions and encouragement, and Justin
Timberlake informs us (very loudly) through the sound system that he's
"Bringing Sexy Back." And Sloane is fast asleep. Her eyes
are just 2 slits with eyelashes and her mouth is slightly open and her
head is flopped over, and her feet trail loosely out to the side,
drifting in the woman-made current in the pool. Even with the
pumped-up noise volume and pool waves and the occasional water droplet
cascading down on her semi-bald head, she does not flinch. In fact
she remains in a deep sleep throughout the entire 45 minute
Aqua-Aerobics class.
10.21.2007 "Quote of the Day Part 15: Satisfied Customer"
Today's QOTD was uttered by my man over the weekend. We
dropped the little baby at Grandma's (yay!) and met Andy and Sareh for
lunch sans child. We had Thai food in West Vancouver (so yum) and
interesting, captivating conversation (as usual).
While Robin was serving up the last of the yellow
curry, the dish shifted and a wave of spicy liquid cascaded all down the
front of his shirt and pants. We flagged down the hostess for more
napkins. Upon seeing the kafuffle she ran away and came hurrying
back with a cloth. She proceeded to wipe Robin down, starting with
his chest and working downwards. He started to laugh (embarrassed,
nervous) and told her it was ok, he could continue from there. But
she insisted that she keep wiping, crotch and all. When she
finally left, Robin was frazzled yet still laughing. He wiped his
brow and exclaimed;
>Holy crap. I thought it was going to be a
happy ending.
That would be one satisfied customer at lunch time.
10.19.2007 "Another Baby-Related Faux Pas"
I was talking to some other mothers about what toys our babies like.
I started to go on and on about how Sloane loves balls. Yes, she
loves balls. She loves to put them in her mouth and lick them and
slap them around. But they can't be too big; she has to be able to
really grab and grip them and fling them around. OMG. I went
on forever. Then I realized what it sounded like and I could feel
my cheeks get flushed. I don't think anyone noticed. But I
still felt a little silly.
10.17.2007 "Brokeback Chicken"
I go through life observing what I need to observe. But every
once in awhile things in my life (usually mundane and familiar objects)
catch my eye and I give them a really close look. And I'm usually
intrigued by what I see. Sorry if you have high expectations for
some intelligent observations and commentary here but there's nothing
really deep about this entry. You see, the thing that recently
caught my eye is my pajama bottoms. Yes, the cotton elasticized
pants that I wear to bed.
They're baby blue with a pattern on them. Upon
closer inspection I realized that the repeated design is really quite
crazy. It shows a chicken having a marshmallow campfire roast with
a dog. The fire is built with 3 logs and there is a bag of
marshmallows on the ground. In the background there's a tent (only
1 tent) and a couple of trees, and there are stars in the sky. I
can't read the expression on the chicken's face, but it's fair to say
that it's a pretty happy look. And the dog is seen from behind so
there's no telling what he's thinking (he is however holding 2 sticks
with a toasted marshmallows, one in each hand - I assume that fact alone
would make anyone happy). So I've decided to nickname the scene on
my pajama bottoms "Brokeback Chicken." I really like that name.
And the other night when I climbed into bed I was
quite chilly, so I pulled the comforter right over my head. I
thought my eyes were playing tricks on me at first, but no - my pants
were glowing in the dark. All the little stars were emitting a
soft yellow phosphorescent light in the pitch black. How cool is
that? The things we don't see until we take a closer look.
10.16.2007 "I Think I'll Put That On a Baby T-shirt"
Sloane and I had a lovely play-date at Sandy's house today with baby
Tyler. It's so nice to have adult conversation and eat cookies
while the babies do their parallel-play and occasionally bonk each other
with a plastic ball or gently pet each other's eyes or back of the head.
Hilarious.
Wouldn't that be cool if our 2 kids grew up as
friends, hanging out together since they were 8 months old?
Wouldn't that be even crazier if they hooked up later in life, as
teenagers or young adults? Maybe I'm getting ahead of myself but I
started to refer to them as "Slyler." In your face "Brangelina"
and "Bennifer." I think I'll get a baby t-shirt printed up....
10.15.2007 "Arresting Humour"
Two things made me laugh recently:
1.) Lately around the house, whenever Sloane gets
into mischief (e.g. she crawls over to the TV area and starts pulling on
cables), we comment on what a 'little Dickens' she is being. So, I
nicknamed her Charles. Dickens. Groan. Whatever, it
made me laugh.
2.) I'm a big fan of
"Arrested Development",
and I watched the whole series when it originally aired on TV.
Ivan recently rented the series on DVD and said to me, "Did you ever
notice that the family yacht was called 'The Sea-ward' [as in the
C-word]?" No, I never noticed it. Too hilarious.
10.10.2007 "Forget Frankincense and Myrrh"
Ivan came over for lunch today. We made grilled cheese
sandwiches and bean soup (I love cooking for the veggie-sauruses).
And the awesome friend that he is, he came bearing gifts. He
brought some French bread and dill cream-cheese spread. Momma
loves her bread! I could eat it for every meal of the day.
And while he was cutting it up (what a gentleman he
is), he put a small, white box on the counter. He told me that he
was cleaning out his place and he found this gift that he had bought or
me last year but misplaced it and forgot about it. I opened it up.
It was a large, beautiful pendant on a silver chain. He had
acquired it from an artist on Main Street (one of my favourite areas to
shop) and he liked her work and he thought of me when he saw her
designs. So he bought this necklace for me. I held it up to
admire it: it's a flat, metal plate with 2 flower etchings on it.
Beautiful.
I thanked him from the bottom of my heart. So
sweet. A friend who brings me gifts - edible products and jewelry.
How perfect.
10.09.2007 "It's Almost Time For That Sack of Potatoes (Sigh)"
I watched "The Simpsons" the other night. One of the plot
lines had Marge fretting about Maggie's clingy behaviour. But
after enlisting a baby expert's help, little Maggie was soon very
independent and mom was now feeling depressed about not being needed.
Instead of hugging her little baby (who was now able to comfort herself
and put herself to bed), Marge bought a sack of potatoes as a
substitute. As Marge sadly hugged the bag, Robin commented,
"That's going to be us some day." Yes indeed. Some day.
But for the last couple of days I've been watching
Sloane crawl around, try to stand up, bounce from a seated position to
her knees, etc. She's always been great at amusing herself
(something I'm very thankful for), able to entertain herself for
literally hours on end with minimal interaction. However now I'm
thinking: it's not going to be long before she's trucking around with no
interest in mommy, only concerned with running away from me. And
when I try to hug her she'll be squirming away, dying to get back to her
toys and games. Holy crap, when did this all happen? I'm
going to have to go out and buy that sack of potatoes earlier than I
thought. BIG sigh.
10.07.2007 "Ding-a-Ling Grandma"
My grandmother did many crazy, funny things. Some intentional,
some not. I was reminded over the weekend of a song she used to
sing. I only recall the chorus that went something like: "My
ding-a-ling/Won't you play with my ding-a-ling." I remember her
singing it with a huge mischievous smile on her face, then emphasizing
the innuendo of "ding-a-ling" and then erupting into sweet laughter
afterwards. She swore it was a real song every time, then say
"Want to hear it?", then she'd sing it and laugh again. I would
roll my eyes (this was so typical her to do this and find such a song
funny) but I was amused. However I didn't really believe her that
it was a real song. I thought maybe she had concocted it in her
head, fabricating the lyrics or getting them incorrect somehow.
That was years ago. Flash forward to the
present. My mother-in-law had the Oldies station on the
radio at her house and in the background what do I hear: those lyrics
that my grandmother used to sing and laugh about so many years ago.
I couldn't believe it. It was a real
song after all. And after Googling it I see that there was
indeed some
controversy about its meaning and a real reason my grandmother found
it so entertaining after all. Who knew? She was right all
along.
10.04.2007 "I Swear I Will Not Have One of Those Bumper Stickers On My
Car...."
I'm talking about those bumper stickers that say "My child is an
honour roll student at <insert school name here>." Those drive me
crazy for some reason. I guess because I assume the parents are
the type of people who brag on and on about their little darlings'
achievements. Barf.
But then today Sloane got her first report card at
swimming class. It was her last lesson. As the parents
waited with our babies for the classes to begin, there was a buzz about
receiving report cards. Someone mentioned the rumour that if you
missed more than 4 classes, your child couldn't pass the class.
What? Receive a big, red "F" for the beginner Starfish swimming
classes where you sing "The Wheels On the Bus" and float around on pool
noodles and practice jumps off the bulkhead? You've got to be
kidding me.
At the end of the lesson, the instructor said her
good-byes and told us our report cards were over by the bleachers.
When I picked up Sloane's I was surprised to see that it was a full-on
booklet full of handwritten comments (I was expecting some generic
photocopied document saying Sloane had completed the Starfish class).
Everything was positive: "Sloane, you've become a splashy little fishy!"
and "Excellent job swimming with your PFD, floating on your back with
your ears in the water." For a brief moment, I felt proud.
Really proud. Then when I got home, Robin called and I mentioned
the report card. "So, is she the best in her class?" he asked
proudly.
Wow. I can see the bumper stick for our car
now: Our child is a splashy little fishy. Oh please.
As if.
10.02.2007 "I Ain't Saying She's a Gold Digger...."
Sloane and I visited my mother yesterday. Grandmother loves to
spoil her only grandchild and we were greeted by an assortment of fun
and educational toys. I carefully unwrapped and opened each one,
removing packaging, plastic fasteners and tags. The whole
production took about 10 minutes (as I said, there were a few toys).
Finally Sloane had everything laid out in front of her. And what
did she latch on to? This fabric one-dollar bill (it came with a
plush piggy bank toy - but she didn't really care for the fabric coins).
She clung on to the bill money and waved it around for us to see, and
put it in her mouth every chance she got. Yeah, my daughter goes
straight for the money. That's my girl.
10.01.2007 "Mad, Ninja, Baby Skills"
I remember having lunch a few years ago with a co-worker who had
recently become a father. We were seated on a patio on Davie
Street and when he reached for his espresso he accidentally upset the
saucer and it tumbled off the table towards the sidewalk below.
But there never was a crash or a splash. He caught everything
mid-air. I was impressed at his speed and reaction time and I told
him so. His sheepish response: when you become a parent, you get
used to eating with a baby on your lap and your reflexes kick it up a
notch to catch any fallen dishware (or fallen children for that matter).
Flash forward to the present. I've noticed that
my baby reflexes have kicked in. JJ refers to it as
"Ninja
Skills". And I must say, as someone who is normally quite slow
to respond, it's really cool to catch bottles and dishes of rice cereal
and other breakable or potentially messy objects in mid-air after
they've been upset by a tiny, mischievous hand. Of course Sloane
is oblivious to the so-close-to-disaster situations that she puts me in.
But that's ok. I'm enjoying my new super Ninja powers.
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