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06.29.2006  "Corporate Wear That Fits"
My co-worker visited one of our clients recently and she brought some corporate wear back for the team.  I was sitting and chatting with another colleague when she walked past and threw something (affectionately) on to my shoulder.  When I unfolded it (still rather dazed and confused) I was surprised when she said it was a t-shirt from FedEx.  It was a nice chartreuse, v-neck, soft cotton t-shirt.  I had to look hard for the company emblem/logo (and found it hidden on the left hip line).  Sizing it up, I knew it would fit me.  And it did - perfectly.

Now believe it or not, this is the first item of corporate clothing that I can actually wear (in fact, I'm wearing it now).  All other shirts or jackets I've received in the past have been monstrously big (like men's XL) - they 'fit' like tents.  I always gave them away or just donated them to Salvation Army.  But never mind the fact that it fits, I actually like this FedEx shirt - it's stylish, comfortable, and doesn't have tons of splashy logos and advertising on it.

I must admit I was also admiring the FedEx shirts that she brought back for my other co-workers.  They were standard white-collared golf shirts with the red/purple company logo emblazoned on the left chest.  They almost looked like the company uniform.  Think of the damage you could do while wearing one of these shirts.  You could walk up to any front desk/reception and say, "I'm here to pick up your packages."  Oooh, the fun you could have.

06.26.2006  "My First Video Game!"
I've received video games as gifts before.  When I was a kid, I collected games for our Coleco console during birthdays and Christmas time.  My favourite was Donkey Kong Jr. - I can't even begin to estimate how many hours I spent playing that?  Then in recent years I've received Karaoke Revolution and Dance Dance Revolution for the PS2.  But I've never actually gone out and acquired a game on my own.

That all changed yesterday.  I bought We Love Katamari for the PS2.  That's right.  On my Visa.  My purchase.  My game.  It's a crazy-psychotic game, but I love it (thanks to Farshad for recommending it and thanks to Piers for showing me his copy).  I'm not that great at it, but I plan to practice over the next little while.  And of course Robin has taken a shine to it as well.  I wonder if I'll log as many hours on this as I have on DKJ in the past?  Uhm, probably not.  That would require me to become a couch-riding shut-in for the next year.  Unlikely.

06.25.2006  "This Is Us In Our 70s, Baby"
Robin and I were running around Sunday (as usual) and we found ourselves at Sears in Metrotown around lunch time.  We were only part-way through our to-do list and wanted something quick.  We looked to our left after entering the mall and noticed a department store cafeteria (which I had never seen at Metrotown before).  The food fair seemed kind of far away so we decided to get a bite at Sears.

I felt like I was trapped in a time warp.  I remember eating at similar mall restaurants with my mother as a child (because they were convenient) and I haven't been to one in decades.  We got our roast turkey sandwiches and cups of chicken mulligatawny soup and sat down at a  sunny table.  The decor was pretty hurting: beat-up grey carpets and pink vinyl chairs.  The whole place had a distinct 1980s feel but not in a cool-retro kind of way.  However, the service and food were good, and the place was clean.  And it was very quiet - a welcome change from the bustling food fair.

I looked around and noticed we were the youngest people there.  We were surrounded by blue-hairs with their walkers.  They sipped their coffee out of styrofoam cups and picked at plates of fries.  Many of them were by themselves, and content to be so.  I turned to Robin and said, "Wow, this is going to be us when we're old.  We're going to be hanging out at the department store cafeterias when we're in our 70s."  He laughed and did his best "old Chinese-woman Rena" imitation (which really can't be explained - you have to see it, and it's really not that flattering).  And I stated my usual "I'm going to look great for my old age while you're going to be all wrinkled" to get back at him.

Then it was time to go and be on our way.  As I scarfed down my last carrot stick I looked at  Robin-in-his-30s who sat across the table from me.  In my mind I pictured Robin-in-his-70s across from me, and I still saw my best friend and spouse.  And I felt happy.  Very happy indeed.

06.23.2006  "My Lovely Soccer Wife (or Technically It Would Be Husband)"
Robin came home last night and found me transfixed on the TV.  After I finished watching my taped soccer game of Brazil vs. Japan, I realized that he had already gone to bed.  When I went in to check on him, I found a spouse who was disappointed that I wasn't my usual cuddly self because I was watching the game.

Oh, that's so adorable.  I have my own 'Soccer Wife' at home.  But I reminded him that the World Cup ends in about 2 weeks.  Then he'll have my full attention again.

06.22.2006  "Work E-mail Advice"
A couple of years ago, I received a small bit of advice from a manager (a quirky individual, but after I figured out his idiosyncrasies I really respected him and enjoyed working with him).  Anyway.  He suggested to me that at work you don't have to respond to every single e-mail.

When he first told me that, I thought it was revolutionary thinking.  I mean, this is me - a justice-minded Libran who thinks every question or comment must be corrected if there are any untruths.  So when long-winded emails were circulated with multiple points and sometimes accusations and a little finger-pointing, I would always feel inclined to correct the sender's reasoning or conclusions, often resulting in multi-page justifications.  And these would open more cans or worms, and so on , and so on.

But now, my approach has changed.  So what if someone's assumptions are a bit off?  There are certainly occasions when one needs to defend him or herself.  But not all the time.  Sometimes silence is the best response.  And this is one bit of advice that has helped me sleep better lately and feel lighter and not have the heavy cloud of the workplace weigh on my mind long after quitting time.

06.21.2006  "WWAD?"
Many people are familiar with the phrase WWJD?  It typically stands for "What would Jesus do?" (although there are some variations) and some people use it as a reminder that Jesus is the supreme role model for morality.  Well, since I'm not really religious yet I need some guidance every once in awhile, I've decided to come up with my own phrase: WWAD?  This stands for "What would Angelina do?"

Yes.  That's right.  I'm talking about the better half of Brangelina.  And yes, many of you are probably scoffing at the fact that I used "role model for morality" and "Angelina" in one sentence (unless you have been living under a rock for the past year and haven't been exposed to any internet gossip or supermarket tabloids).  Whatever.  Let's put that aside for a minute while I explain.

When I look at Mother Ange, I see a beautiful, confident woman.  She's an ambassador for third world nations and contributes one-third of her income to charities and is just as comfortable in $3,000 gowns as she is in a peasant dress and a hanky wrapped around her hair.   I envision her to be someone who handles every situation with grace and charm.  I picture every sentence that comes out of her mouth to be well-thought out and articulated.   And if confronted with an awkward or stressful situation, I picture those smoldering eyes to burn a little deeper and those powerful lips to purse every so slightly - and whoever is on the receiving end of that stare would be knocked off their feet from the unspoken intimidation.

So lately as I go through life and I encounter random stressful situations where I may be tempted to fly off the handle or stew unnecessarily about an off-the-cuff comment, I say to myself: WWAD?  And this reminds me to keep my cool and wits about me.  My confidence may be quiet and may not necessarily require a heated exchange of words - but when I do speak, I'm rational and calm.  But if push comes to shove, I'm working on that killer glare that tells people I mean business. 

06.15.2006  "Quote of the Day Part 6: My Super Power"
This one is from Brent, an endearing comment made during "Wide Load Wednesday."  Although some might think it's offensive, rest assured - everyone there knew it was not mean-spirited in the least.

I had just come from a work function where I had devoured a Vera's burger and a salmon fillet accompanied with healthy servings of Greek salad and coleslaw around 4 o'clock.  I met the boys later and while they were talking about what they were going to order for dinner, I commented that I could probably eat again (maybe something small).  I patted my belly and wondered aloud: how could I possibly eat right now?

Brent> But that's your super power.  Eating.  It's one of the best things about you.

Agreed.  And I didn't feel guilty about eating a pizza slice and a Caramilk bar (the latter courtesy of Piers*).  I guess it would be over-the-top to mention that I contemplated ordering a full meal while at Ebi Ten with Brent.  Yes, crazy but true.

I wonder what my superhero costume should look like? Hmmm, something to consider for Halloween or at least for another journal entry.

*My dear, sweet pansy - did you notice that I mentioned you by name?

06.14.2006  "Potential Terror on the Skytrain"
Now that the Western world is on constant terror alert, I am aware of identified potential targets.  I realize our transit system is a vulnerable one (especially after the terrorist attacks on the London and Madrid train lines).  But even though I know this, I ride Vancouver's skytrain at least 5 days a week and I feel relatively safe.  Until yesterday.

I was coming home yesterday and it was pretty packed.  At the 29th station, a rather agitated man jumped into my car, right beside me.  He immediately threw his knapsack down and started rifling through it, spilling the contents amidst people's feet.  When he was done, he stood up and I thought I saw him holding a small canister.  Since his behaviour was a bit suspicious from the get-go, my immediate thoughts were paranoid ones.  What if he had mace, or pepper spray?  How much damage could that do on a packed skytrain?  A lot.

At the next stop, he jumped out.  I quietly exhaled a sigh of relief.  But then he jumped back on again.  This time, I clearly saw something else he was holding - a lighter.  And he kept flicking it on and off.  Hmmmm, an aerosol canister combined with a lighter?   That's definitely creepy.  My gut told me to get off the train.  So I did.

I saw a Transit officer on the platform and told her everything, and she quickly alerted the Metrotown officials so they could intercept.  She thanked me for my quick-thinking, and I hopped on the next train headed east.  And the first thing I did was looked around me to see if there was anyone behaving in a bizarre or mischievous fashion.  I have to admit, I don't feel so safe anymore.

06.12.2006  "Quote of the Day Part 5: I Like You"
This isn't so much a quote, but more of a conversation or a moment. 

Robin, my mother and I had just gotten back from the landscaping place in Burnaby.  We had purchased 2 ceramic mushrooms when the rain started pouring out of nowhere.  Robin ran around the garden with an umbrella and placed the decorations in the garden while my mom and I watched from the garage doorway and gave our approval.  When he was done, he ran back to the shelter of the garage.  I stood in the doorway while the two of them stood behind me, and we all looked out to the garden.

Mom: I like where you've put the mushrooms.  I like them!

Robin: <pause then looks at Judy> I like YOU.

Mom: <smiles then squeals with delight, then hugs Robin> Oh, and I like you TOO!

Me: <mocking disgust but loving the moment> Whatever, you two.  You like each other.  Get over it.

I've said it before, but I'll say it again.  It's a wonderful thing when your partner gets along and actually enjoys spending time with your family and friends, and they in turn like him/her.  It's something you can't force.  It either is or it isn't that way.  And I'm so thankful and happy that we all get along and enjoy each other's company.

06.11.2006  "Who's the Greatest?"
My mother spoils little Ella, my cousin's 3-year old daughter.  She has bought her a Wiggles' accordion and a  My Little Pony Butterfly Fantasy Island set (the latter required assembly by 4 adults)  among other things.  She has also bought countless books and gingerbread cookies and last week even went so far as to shove a cherry Twizzler in the young girl's mouth just because she asked, "Yi-Pau, what is that?" (based on Chinese family structure, Betty is 'Pau' because she is the maternal grandmother and my mother is 'Yi-Pau' because she is said grandmother's younger sister).

My mother's not even a grandmother yet but she spoils Ella rotten with attention and gifts.  And our little wonder just adores her.  The other day, the family was over at my aunt's and Kevin came into the kitchen to report what little Ella was doing in the living room.  She was playing with her toy microphone set, singing "Yi-Pau is the greatest!!!" and dancing around the room.

OMG.  That is so adorable.  But if we think my mom spoils Ella, what's going to happen when she has grandchildren of her own?

Also as a sidenote - I learned on the weekend that my mother is watching the World Cup games (when she can).  She  knows game outcomes and players, etc.  She's so hella-cool....

06.09.2006  "My Love Affair With the World Cup"
It's fair to say that I'm generally not a sports fan.

I quietly root for the Canucks every year, but (like most Vancouverites) I'm often left feeling unsatisfied and disappointed at the end of the hockey season.  Plus I curse the legions of overzealous fans who take up all the parking in Yaletown during home games (I'm trying to visit Brent, dammit!).

Football (NFL, CFL) - I could care less.  I never took the time to learn the rules for either league (I think they're different?) so I'm probably sounding a bit ignorant and uneducated when I just state that it's silly.

Basketball - I used to go to the odd game and I enjoyed it, but since the Grizzlies left it's not really on my radar.

Baseball - I went to one Mariners game at Safeco Stadium and loved it!  Plus every year the gang goes out to Nat Bailey Stadium to cheer on our local Canadians and enjoy the fireworks.  But to be honest, I'm mainly there for the ballpark franks, nachos, and mini donuts.

UFC - yes, I know what this is. But it's mainly through osmosis at home.  I admit I've gotten to know names and titles, and I appreciate the sheer strength some of these guys exhibit (before I thought it was just some mindless grappling between testosterone monkeys and kind of homoerotic to be honest).  But I don't go out of my way to watch any fights.

And there are many other sports (tennis, curling, golf, rugby, Nascar racing) but I'm just going to lump them into one category when I say 'No, not really interested in watching, thank you.'

But then there's soccer...er, sorry - football.  And as the majority of the world knows, the World Cup started today in Germany!  And here I am, with my PVR set to record key games (first up is England vs. Paraguay) and scouring the FIFA website for updates and team stats.  I'm one step away from painting my face yellow and green.  What the heck is going on here, you might ask?

I think it all started with World Cup 1994.  I was in South America, and the World Cup presence was everywhere.  I remember walking into small restaurants in one-street towns, and even though I was prepared for 'relaxed' service, I was totally unprepared for ghost towns during certain times of the day.  During the games, all the staff would be in the back crowded around the 14", black and white TV.  If you were expecting food and drinks, you needed to pull up a bench and wait for the game to end.  So 'while in Rome, I lived like a Roman' - that meant eating, drinking, breathing, and living soccer.  I got to know the players and got caught up in it all.  Also, I must say that some of these soccer players are beautiful, such perfect specimens of men.  Grrrrr.

I don't have any specific memories for 1998 but I remember watching a few games and reviewing stats.  But then 2002 happened.  I was at Motorola at the time, and the large TV in the cafeteria would be on during game times.  I'd go looking for my manager (a Brit) and where would I find him - down in the lunch room with about 15 others, crowded around the big screen.  And hey, if he was slacking then he couldn't complain when I pulled up a chair to join them.  And it was great - there we were, ranging from senior management to office grunts, all enjoying some time together, cheering and giving commentaries.  I would get daily updates from Ketan and Jim.  I started to set my VCR to record those late night (or early morning) games.  I would come to work and send the guys warning emails:  do NOT tell me who won the England vs. Brazil game, because I taped it and I haven't seen it yet!!!

And here we are, in the present.  As I said - I have my game schedule at home (Robin commented that it was 'cute' how keen I was) and the World Cup stats added to my Google toolbar.  I don't think I'll be going to the Rio on Broadway to watch any games on the big screen or purchase a jersey (they're about $150 a pop).  But I love the energy of this multicultural event.  Even though I'm generally not a sports fan, you can call me a World Cup fan.  Every four years, a closeted sports-junkie version of myself emerges and relishes in the soccer fever.

Go, Brazil!

06.07.2006  "Flowers At Work"
I came back to my desk at lunch time after a healthy walk in the sunshine and what do I find at my chair: a lovely bouquet of flowers!  Attached was a note from the Sales team, thanking me for my help (I've been doing some Project Management work for them recently).

Lovely.  Classy.  And I very much appreciate their acknowledgement.  They're the best.

06.06.2006  "My New Engagement Ring"
I've recently started wearing an engagement ring.  Most people haven't noticed it, but there are a few who've enthusiastically asked, "Is that an engagement ring??"  And before it's happened, I could see it a mile away: I see their eyes following my hand as I talk (I'm an animated talker) before they pop the question.  And then I give them the answer (accompanied with a smile): well, it's my grandmother's engagement ring (I recently had it reset from yellow gold to white gold and I've only started wearing it in the last 2 months even though I've owned it since 1995 when dear Ruby passed on).  This is usually followed by a compassionate "Oh" or a chuckle and "I thought maybe you had something to announce?" but it is undoubtedly accompanied by disappointment on their end.  Oh well.

So, this is today's journal entry.  Why I am not married (*this almost borders on a rant, so read on Brian). Let me start by saying: I fully support marriage.  When people tell me they're getting married I congratulate them and am genuinely happy for them.  And I wish them future happiness and a lifetime of partnership.  Plus I love going to weddings.  They can be so much fun!  But getting married and having a wedding just aren't for me....

For starters, I grew up in a single parent home.  So, my role model for a married couple didn't really exist.  It was and always will be my mom (and she did a fantastic job, by the way).  Let's be clear - I'm not blaming anyone/anything here.  Marriage just wasn't a high priority on my list, not really on my radar.  Many young girls/women dream of their wedding day at an early age.  But me - it just didn't really cross my mind?

And then there's this grey area in my life, that I look back on it and wonder who the heck was I?  I was 23 and 4.5 years into my first relationship.  We had talked about getting married but in the back of my mind I knew it wasn't right and I didn't want this (with this particular individual anyway).  I was young and not really self-aware, and it just 'seemed' like the next natural step to take.  And this is a crucial bit to my standpoint on marriage: I think many people just do it because they think they should, they've been taught this is what you do, etc.  But few people actually think it through, realize what it means for their future.

In my case, the relationship abruptly ended (not my choice). But in the end it was good because I was able to live a life afterwards that felt like 'me' - I made my own choices and did what I wanted to do which would have been impossible with a husband (I would have been entirely selfish).  I look back at that young woman who was me and exhale a sigh of relief - I can't believe I almost vowed 'til death do us part when I didn't know who I was (I couldn't imagine trying to grow and change during those crucial years while wedded).

And that brings me to the present.  I know who I am, I'm comfortable with who I am, and I have a fantastic partner.  And people are always asking us, "So, when are you getting married?"  My answer accompanied with a shrug is normally, "Eh, not right now.  We're happy existing as we are."  And that's the truth.  In the 3.5 years we've been together, it's been wonderful but I'll be honest when I say it's been a struggle at times.  A big struggle.  And this is due to situational circumstances, where we were in our lives when we met, etc.  But the rough tides have been fought and here we are, totally committed and loving (and co-owners of real estate).

And I have to say I get my nose bent out of joint a bit when people look at our union and think it's somehow less valid than one that is validated by a piece of paper.  How hard is it for 2 people (hetero, I guess) to run down to city hall and get married by a justice of the peace?  Then ask yourself this: how hard is it for 2 people to remain loyal and committed to each other while dealing with 'emotional' ex-partners and self-identity issues and enormous work and home-related transformations in their lives and not be bound together in any legal sense? 

Get off your high horse, Rena - some of you are thinking that.  Sure, I hear you.  And I admit I do take some pride in the fact that I'm unmarried and have a very strong relationship.  I look at all those goofballs who run out and get married on a lark only to get it annulled 17 days later (ok, extreme example - but you get my point) and here I am in a non-government sanctioned union and I'm stable and successful. Based on what I've seen around me over the years (including real life stories as well as the outrageous tabloid reports), you could say I'm rather turned off by people's readiness to commit 100% to one person (and spend tons of money on lavish ceremonies and announce it to their friends and family and God herself) and then their readiness to cheat and run away without investing much communication or effort.  I'm not knocking divorce itself (if marriage is implemented, there has to be a way to get out of it too).  I guess I'm knocking people's treatment of their marriage vows.  By not getting married, I'm not joining those legions of people who mostly seem to be inclined to treat commitments and unions as disposable.  If you must - look at me, I'm NOT legally bound to someone but I'm fully committed and I am always investing effort as needed.

And don't get me started on weddings.  As I said at the outset, I love attending weddings.  But I could not organize my own.  There's no way I'd give up organizational duties to someone else (too much of a control freak that way) and no way I'd have the patience to do it myself (I'm too busy and don't get me started on the over-bloated prices for anything wedding-related - $1,000 starting price for cakes!  Give me a break!).  Plus again, it's just not me.  I don't need to publicly announce or show off my 'marriage'.  It's a private thing between Robin and myself.  I don't need to tell my maid of honour to give a speech about me on June 21, 2007 - I don't need to schedule an expression of feelings by my loved ones.  When my mother told me way back when that she loved Robin, it was totally unscripted and unexpected.  And I'll treasure that impromptu moment.  Always.

If you're still reading this, that's about it.  I think I'm spent.  But as a final note, I am frustrated at terminology.  What is Robin?  "Boyfriend" seems so insignificant.  "Partner" seems so business-like.  "Spouse" is acceptable, I guess.  "Husband" isn't 100% true.  I thought of my own term: CLOSP (Common-Law Opposite Sex Partner).  But that sounds rather clunky.  For now, he'll still be "Baby" or "Pumpkin." 

After all, it's just about him and myself.  It's a private thing.

06.03.2006  "A Night At the Cinema"
Saturday was my first trip to the cinema in ages.  I went to Tinseltown to see "X-Men 3."  And I realized the last time I went to a movie theatre was in January.  Very interesting, considering I used to see movies on the big screen on a regular basis (at the height of it I was going to the Ridge for a double feature about once a week).

But the current situation is really no surprise.  Since we bought our beautiful LCD television, invested in a PVR and subscribed to Movie Central, there's really no need to leave home.  However, I must say it was nice to be in the stadium seating and to be surrounded by the tantalizing smell of popcorn (and the crowd was very mature and well-behaved - no erratic cell phones going off).  And all for the price of $7.50 (matinees are cheap).

Maybe I'll start venturing out into the movie theatre world more often.  Again.

06.01.2006  "Meow!  Oh, Behave"
I just read this article, about DC Comics resurrecting Batwoman as a gay (lesbian) superhero.  Right on.  I love it.

Did y'all know that yours truly was once inspiration for an indie, graphic novel project?  That's right.  Unfortunately I never got a copy of the finished comic.  Me as an ass-kicking crime fighter.  Who would have thought?  Apparently my alter ego was sexy-licious and wore all leather.  That sounds about right...

05.30.2006  "Where's the Underwear on the Ceiling?"
On Saturday night, I had another first.  (That reminds me - I had made a New Year's resolution a couple of years ago to try something new at least once a month.  It's a pretty open-ended resolution, but I think I've been pretty good keeping it alive. Anyway, I digress).

So, back to my night out with Brent and Ivan.  After Mexican food at Poncho's, we decided to go for a drink downtown.  Our first choice was way too busy (1181 - the new lounge on Davie) so we ended up at the Pumpjack.  Oh yeah.

I recall years ago when I met another fruitfly at work, she told me how she went to the Pumpjack with her gay friends.  We were laughing about it when someone at the conservative, communal lunch table asked what it was.  I admired her tact when she described it as a 'rather rough bar - for boys'.  It's a leather bar.  It's a bear hang-out.  It's the anti-ChaCha crowd.  As I scanned the room I caught sight of a few harnesses walking around, arm bands, and more foo-man-choo moustaches than I could count.  But I did not notice a single female (no surprise there).  I had heard that the Pumpjack used to remove some patrons' underwear and string it up on the ceiling.  When I looked skywards and all I saw were exposed beams and ceiling fans, Ivan told me that the garments were removed for sanitary reasons (who wants to find a fallen pubic hair in their beer?  Yeah, that's not a gift from the heavens).

Anyway, it was fun.  I was hanging out with two of my closest friends, and it didn't really matter that I was the only one in the room with two X chromosomes.  Also I had the least amount of body hair in the room and didn't stuff my pants with a sports sock, and I still felt comfortable with the 'rough boy' crowd.  And I could drink my cranberry-soda and be confident that it wouldn't contain an unwelcome artifact from the ceiling.  Well, one would hope.

05.29.2006  "From First Tier to Zero"
I've been thinking about a conversation I had with Brent and Ivan on the weekend.  It falls under that category of "that's just how life is."  We commented on how as you go through life, your friendship circle changes.  This is especially noticeable for those who are closest to you, your confidantes, your 'once-a-day-phone-call' friends, your first tier of friends.  One day these people are almost an extension of you, they're so intimately familiar with you, your life, your situation.  And then over time various things happen, people move, people change, and suddenly you realize that you haven't spoken to or thought of that person in ages.  Now they are a memory, far from an every day phone call reminder that they're your best friend.

I've been on both sides of this with friends and lovers.  I've had relationships drift apart, and I've also walked away from certain people and I've also been given the boot on occasion.  It happens.  That's life.  I admit I felt some guilt in the past for ending things and at the same time I've felt disappointed when I realized that I was being rejected, but that's how it has to be sometimes.  However, one can feel a bit detached and unfamiliar when you look back at all those people who have existed so closely to you at times and now they're distant memories or just people you say 'hi' to when encountered on the street.

And then I look at my current close friends and I think, "I can not imagine my life without them."  Of course I can't imagine it.  But life just happens.  And then we find other friends to replace those who have drifted on.

Even though I've lived through it many times in the past, I'm still not comforted by this thought.

05.24.2006  "Ding Dong - The Mary Inside Me"
I've had a love affair with gay men since I was a young teenager.  My best friend in high school (who was also my prom date) came out right after graduation.  Then the gay bar scene happened.  Here I was exposed to countless more wonderful Mary's (and I still use Odyssey or Celebrities or even Gandy Dancer references when speaking to gay men who I didn't party with back then in the early 90s but who were there as well, probably passing me by the ladies' washroom line-ups or on the crowded dance floor).

I remember when I lived alone and my phone had 10 speed dials, the priority was as such: my voicemail, my mother, then gay friend #1, gay friend #2,...gay friend #8.  I distinctly recall my 'coming out' moment (a story that still incites giggles from my friends to this day): I was 24 and still living at home (but getting ready to make the big move).  I had just gotten out of a 5 year relationship and was now partying as much as I could with my new West End friends.  I would even sometimes leave the odd Angles publication on my mother's coffee table (a free gay newspaper which I often referred to for club listings).  My mother sat down beside me on the couch while I watched TV and asked if there was anything I wanted to tell her.  I was a little clueless when I looked at her smiling face but when she told me that she would 'love me no matter who I was', well it dawned on me - she was trying to out me!  I assured her that no, her daughter was not a lipstick lesbian (not that there's anything wrong with that!).

I think the big attraction for me was the intimacy.  As I alluded to before, I was freshly single and to be honest a little hurt and scared.  My first relationship did not end kindly for me (but that's a whole other journal entry in itself) and I was ready to explore the world that lay beyond university and my mother's house and the confines of that previous relationship.  But I needed a safety net.  And I found that comfort in my new circle of gay friends, a group that was quickly growing.  They were fun.  They were a riot.  They were thoughtful.  They were honest.  They were nurturing.  They were safe.  They were full of compliments.  They were good for my self-esteem.  They helped me grow.

I also remember a distinct moment from a few years back, and I look back on it and think of it as a defining moment in my life.  My mother had called me up and told me that she met the most fantastic young man and she contemplated giving him my phone number.  My 'Mm-hmm' across the phone lines signaled for her, "Do go on."  While buying a lipstick at the Park Royal M.A.C. counter, she was helped by the most outgoing, sweet, funny gay Asian (or Gaysian) boy.  With his black couture and spiky hair and flashing hand movements she thought to herself, "Gee, Rena has so many gay friends - I bet they would get along!"  Yes, a normal mother would try to set her daughter up with eligible bachelors.  What did my mother try to do?  She tried to set me up with Ding-Dong Hong-Kong.  Don't get me wrong - it was very sweet.  I loved it, and I love my mother for it.

The truth is I feel most at ease in the company of my homo-licious friends.  They guffaw at my over-use of the term 'pearl necklace'.  When I point out that a local moving company truck sign (Two Small Men With Big Hearts) should be "Two Small Men With Big Hard-Ons" or I insist on calling the first Harry Potter movie "Harry Bottom and the Philosopher's Bone", they roll their eyes and tell me, "Gawd, you may as well be a gay man!"  Ah, and when I educated some of my festive friends on the term 'Slurp Ramp' (also known as a "Juice Bar"), their collective response was: "Rena, you're the gayest man we know."

So, while we were out for dinner on Saturday evening (Robin, myself, and 7 gay men), at one point Brent commented that "If Rena is a gay man trapped inside a woman's body, does that make Robin gay?"  Chuckle-chuckle.  Yes, poor Robin.

When he first saw the pretty packaging, he had no idea what lurked inside.

05.22.2006  "Island Posse"
On Sunday, I made a day trip out to Galiano Island.  Robin, Brent and myself drove out to Tsawwassen with our bikes in tow.  In the bike passenger holding pen, we met up with Robin's parents.  Robin was the trip organizer since he wanted all of us out there to look at a property for sale (we're all potential investors in a vacation property).

The ferry trip was pleasant, not too long.  I realized that I hadn't been on a ferry for about 2 years.  That's way too long, considering there are so many wonderfully quaint islands so close to the mainland and I should make a conscious effort to explore at least one per season.

Anyway.  The biking was intense (lots of hills on Galiano) and we lost the older Lemays shortly after the second big climb (they told us to go ahead without them).  And the property we were looking at was not really an option (too run down).  But as I breathed the fresh, island air and stared out at the amazingly clear ocean water and marveled at the unfamiliar silence, I started to think: I could live here.  What a life to lead - working remotely from your fabulous island property.  Or better yet living the artist's life (I guess in my case I would write?) and owning a scooter (because I don't know if I could hack those hills on my bike every day) and making lots of homemade soups from ingredients in our garden, and just appreciating the wonderful surroundings.

Big sigh. Maybe I'll start now, growing my hair into long dreads and wearing nothing but peasant skirts. We'll see.

05.18.2006  "An FG Indeed"
I don't often re-read books.  But earlier this week I decided to crack open my copy of "The Fabulous Girl's Guide to Decorum" that I had received as a gift from Ashley and Brendon in 2001.  This would be my second time around reading it from beginning to end.

The book is a clever, slightly tongue-in-cheek advice column for women (grown-up girls) who want to be fabulous (FGs for short).  It's all about etiquette and good manners, and it covers everything from socializing to dating to communication to the workplace.  And mostly it's common sense.  For example, an FG would ensure the following:

• Typically phone calls on the weekend should not be placed earlier than 11am (unless it is a familiar friend and you know his/her schedule).

• Never assume a person is heterosexual e.g. don't assume that the new woman in your Accounting department will want to check out the cute UPS guy with you.

• If an FG has asked a person out on a date, she should pick up the tab.

I remember when I read the book back in 2001, I seemed to be on track i.e. I was already following the majority of their guidelines.  Now that it's 5 years later, I still seem to be minding my manners and leading a fabulous life.

And while I'm reading this book again, it's just perfect timing that Ashley is visiting this weekend and we're going to spend an afternoon together.  Two fabulous girls having a fabulous visit.  Oprah would be so proud.

05.16.2006  "A Chilling Thought On a Warm Evening"
The other night Robin lay dozing beside me in bed while I completed my crossword.  The windows were open and the ceiling fan whirred above.  I reached over and gently rubbed his exposed back while he slept (something I often do).  And then I had a chilling thought: what if Robin dies before me?  What if I'm left behind?

Love and death.  Two inevitable things in our life.  But when they collide, it's a test for the spirit. It just might be a reality for me some day.  But that's the key - some day. 

05.15.2006  "A Mother's Day With No Mom"
Sunday was Mother's Day.  Robin and I made brunch for his parents and grandparents.  It was lovely and relaxed (and I made devilled eggs for the first time - how retro-cool in a 1950 housewife kind of way!).  But we didn't see my mother that day because she's in Hawaii.  I haven't heard from her but that's not necessarily a bad thing, because she only agreed to call me if it's an emergency.

She's been gone 10 days.  In total her vacation is 2 weeks.  Usually when my friends and family go away on vacation, I wish them a bon voyage (maybe take them to the airport if it's feasible) and then they spring back into my  mind when they call me weeks later to say, "I'm back!  Did you miss me?"

But in this case it's a bit different.  I've been thinking about my mother often, hoping she's having a great time in Waikiki, and waiting to hear her stories when she returns.  And it's not just because it was Mother's Day recently - I've just been missing her in general.  And I know Robin feels her absence too.  He's been doing the countdown thing: "Your mom comes back in 5-4-3... days!"  And even our favourite waitress at Brown's in North Vancouver pointed out the absence.  When Robin and I walked in sans Judy after our pedicures on Lonsdale, we were greeted by a smile and "What, no Mom today?"

Wow.  I miss my mother.  And it's only been a few days.  How many adults can honestly say that?

05.11.2006  "A Wonderfully Discrete Idea"
I've been watching "The Virgin Suicides" lately (10 minutes at a time while I eat breakfast - ah, the wonders of the PVR).  One of the teenage, virginal characters has the wonderfully discrete idea of writing on her underwear the name of her crush.  The narrator discloses how the strict, over-bearing mother discovers this detail while doing the laundry and scrubs all the offending "Kevin's" from her young daugher's panties.

Then in a later scene, we see the same teenaged girl going out on her first date.  The camera pans down her dress where it stays for a few seconds, just long enough for the director to show us a pop-up on the screen of what's underneath the dress - the young man's name written in black pen on her underwear.  Brilliant.

Even though I'm in my mid-30s and in a common-law relationship (and not a wide-eyed, pining teenager), wouldn't it just be absolutely fabulous if I wrote Robin's name on some of my undergarments?  It would be my own secret (that only Sofia Coppola could reveal).

05.09.2006  "The Bike is Back!!!"
This morning I biked to work for the first time since last year.  It was amazing.  I feel healthy, refreshed and invigorated.  And the good news is that I'm in better shape than I thought (took me one hour - just like last year).  But I guess the true test will be the ride home (where it's predominantly an uphill battle).  Nevertheless, I feel great and I'm very excited!

05.08.2006  "Wow - Here I Thought I Had Seen It All on the Skytrain"
This morning on the skytrain I was sitting near the front of the car while reading a paper and listening to my music.  Somewhere in the distance I could hear a clicking noise - not rhythmic, just noise once in awhile.  Instead of removing an earphone, I lowered my newspaper and looked around me for the source.  Across the way, in another seat, a woman was cutting her fingernails with a nail clipper.

Yes.  On the skytrain.  Cutting her nails.  In mid-morning rush hour, amidst a full train of commuters.

ODG.  People are so incredibly gross and ridiculous.

05.07.2006  "If the Eyes Are the Window to the Soul, Then Our Feet Are What....?"
I tried to think of something profound for the subject line of today's entry, but I couldn't really think of anything.  But I still know what I'm going to say about my feet.

Last week I started pulling out the summer shoe collection.  They were all tucked in their boxes and stacked in the front closet, where they had rested since last year.  It was all very exciting, almost like Christmas in May.  I found black mules, brown heels, numerous slides, and even a pair of lime-green, suede sandals.  I couldn't resist - I needed to take them for a test walk around the living room.

As I tried them on one by one, and walked around the house, I couldn't help but notice how certain ones caused shooting pains through my calves and knees or pinched my toes.  How very odd, considering I wore them all last year.  But I took off the offending shoes and gave them a closer inspection - some weren't of the highest quality leather, and some had pretty high heels.  How on earth did I endure these last year?  Sure, some of the nicer-looking ones probably made me walk like Naomi Campbell at first but after 10 minutes in these contraptions I'm sure I must have walked like an 80-year-old woman with bursitis in her knees.

Egads.  How would I be able to walk the 30 minutes every day (from the skytrain to Yaletown)?  No way.  Forget it.  My feet, calves, and knees are way too valuable to endure that kind of slow pain.  So what did I do this weekend - well, I got rid of 4 pairs of sandals and then went out and bought 4 more.  But this time I splurged for higher quality materials and made sure that they were comfortable (but still stylish).  And I didn't feel guilty at all.  I'm worth it.  And my body will thank me later.

05.05.2006  "The Magic of Google and IM - Now I know It's a Slingshot"
Yes, I realize there is so much information out there on the 'wonders of the internet' and blah-blah-blah isn't this age of technology just a wonder to behold, etc.  But this week at work, I had a distinct moment where I was able to fully harness the powers at my fingertips.

I could copy and paste the conversation that Tom and I had on Messenger, but instead I'll summarize.  It all started with this crazy photo, and we decided we needed to know what this kind of bathing suit was called (see entry for 11 March 2005, and the gentleman's garment was in question).  And we wanted to know NOW.

What followed was a Google-race (and a possible 2-way sexual harassment suit) while Tom and I madly exchanged URLs (links to photos) via Messenger.  Like layers of a codpiece, we gradually revealed more and more informational tidbits until we (Tom) finally found the answer.  So we discovered that the bathing suit in question is a slingshot (not to be confused with a torpedo).

Yes, the wonders of technology.  I was able to view close-up shots of overstuffed baskets that were (just barely) covered in fluorescent Lycra.  It was a great way to kill 10 minutes at work.  Now, THAT was the great technological advantage for me.....

05.04.2006  "The Answer Lies Behind the Wheel, and Beyond the Dashboard"
Emotional messiness, feeling detached, seemingly 'out-of-sorts' - there are a number of ways to describe that temporary "I don't really feel like myself" feeling.  It's not depression, it's nothing clinical, nor is it anything to really get alarmed about.  You just ride that bluesy feeling until it peters out (some even embrace it or try to enjoy it by listening to "The Smiths" over and over again - "I was happy in the haze of a drunken hour/But heaven knows I'm miserable now....").

But last night after a lovely, down-to-earth visit with one of my oldest and dearest friends, I found a way to wash it away (whatever it was).  I found myself driving back from Deep Cove along Dollarton Highway, near the Reserve and beside the water.  I was by myself which I realized last night is a rare thing these days - and I realized I miss it.  It was just me behind the wheel of my car, listening to the Postal Service.  Beyond the dashboard was the ocean, a winding road, twinkling  lights from faraway Burnaby and downtown Vancouver, and the black-hole sky reaching into eternity.

It reminded me at 16 years old in my old stomping grounds, and the urge to just keep driving away from the growth pains of high school and the pending responsibilities that loomed large in my horizon.  At night time, the roads seem like they go on forever.  As long as I had enough money for fuel, I could just keep driving and see how far away 'forever' actually was.  Just me behind the wheel - no jacket required.

And last night, even though my life is no longer an angst-ridden John Hughes movie, that's exactly how I felt - I could just keep driving.  Forever.  Think of the road trips I could take: me, my Jetta, my wallet with the Visa Gold card, and the highways and freeways that have yet to be explored.  The possibilities for adventure were endless.

But, unlike the person I was 18 years ago, I didn't feel the need to escape and run away from anything.  No, this time it was more like driving towards something.  But what exactly was I looking for?  For now, I think the answer lies in the journey.  And even though I really value my alone time, I can't realistically imagine taking off solely on my own for an extended soul-searching trip anytime soon.  I would like to have someone in the passenger seat.  And maybe I would even let Robin drive....

05.03.2006  "Fame Confirmed"
Miss Ivan's fame in the movie industry has been confirmed.  He has his own name page on imdb.

Oh, I'm so proud of my girl!

04.30.2006  "Did You Know that About Worcestershire Sauce?"
This one is for Ivan and Robin (for about the 100th time)....

I found out that Lea & Perrins Worcestershire Sauce contains anchovies.  I did not know that.  Did you know that?  Good thing I checked the bottle label before cooking the all-veggie meal for my favourite veggie-saurus Ivan.

04.26.2006  "Through the Ladytron Looking Glass"
The first time I saw Ladytron in concert was at the Commodore Ballroom in 2003.  The second time I saw them was last night, again at the Commodore.  It was a great experience for various reasons.  And like most things in my life, I found a deeper meaning in the event.

Three years ago I was still employed by Motorola, living as a single woman in a relationship in my bachelorette pad on Cambie Street, and I attended the concert with Craig (whom I've only seen once since he left Lotus Land for weather vanes and precipitation gauges in anywhere, Texas).  Back then, Ladytron had the outrageous Mount Sims open for them (who were sorely missed this time around).  And when the synth-pop ladies and gents finally emerged on to the stage they were wearing their khaki, neoprene, Star Trek-like jumpsuits.  The women were all pixie cuts, black eyeliner, and definitely all-business.  And I was probably in casual attire - pants and runners were probably in order.

The two lead Tron ladies looked a bit different last night, though.  The futuristic uniforms were replaced by funky yet feminine black ensembles (sleeveless, lace, ruffles, heeled-boots).  The haircuts had changed a little too (curls and waves now dominated) and even though they were still pretty business-like, I noticed a playful edge to their audience interactions.  The whole experience made me reflect on myself - my generic shirt and jeans were replaced by black boots, denim-gloss skirt and fun scarf.  I live in a house in Burnaby now with my wonderful partner.  Motorola is a distant memory as I've had two other employers since then.  And like the Ladytron front-women I think I look better, and I know I just feel better and improved.  I also took notice of who I was with, particularly Farshad, Jonesy, and Glyn.  These are people I've mostly known for years.  Even though I see them on a regular basis, I took note of how they've changed over the years.  They've all progressed in their lives too and it was all good.

Sometimes when you reflect on something from your past and compare it to the present experience, it acts as a gauge against which you can measure yourself.  It's like if I was to meet up and talk with an ex-boyfriend whom I haven't seen in years.  Looking and talking to him would almost be like catching up with myself - remembering who I was back then and seeing how far I've come.

04.24.2006  "Treasure Chest"
It was such a glorious weekend, and I'm halfway through my Monday work-day and I still feel relaxed and satisfied from the past two days' events.  I thoroughly enjoyed staying home with Robin on Friday night and catching a Chinese-Lesbian film on Movie Central.   I also loved having Brent and Piers over on Saturday where we did projects around the house and ate Tim Hortons on the sunny front stoop and devoured tacos while watching "The Chronicles of Narnia."  And of course I loved meeting my mother for lunch on Sunday where we openly talked about our fears and goals in life - a good, healthy conversation over rice noodles and wontons. 

But if I can pinpoint an exact moment from this weekend, a moment that helped me really appreciate all that is wonderful and important in my life, I know what it is.  As Brent and I prepped my dresser that we were staining, I noticed that all along the interior slats of wood my father's name was written in pencil.  Judging from where his mark appeared, I think when he built this dresser he needed a way to indicate which way the certain pieces of wood needed to be placed.  So he wrote his name on the planes that were facing inside the interior.

The dresser itself is beautiful and evidence of his talented workmanship.  The fact that he built it as a young adult also makes me marvel at it -  to think that he touched each component and took all the measurements and treated every surface makes this dresser a treasure in my eyes.  And now to think that his name is etched in pencil all throughout the interior makes me love it even more.

Brent gently suggested that we not sand the surfaces where his name was written.  It would just be wrong to erase that.  He was so right.  Even though no one sees the hand-writing hidden inside the dresser, I'll always know that it's there.

04.20.2006  "Don't Fight the Powers That Be, Peter - You WILL Meet Up With Me"
I got a call from Peter on Tuesday evening.  He informed me that he was in town from Taiwan for a friend's wedding.  He told me that he was en route to the bride and groom's place and would be unable to meet up with me since his flight left the next morning.  And he was calling from Metrotown - so close!  Oh well.  Since I know he's a creature of habit and a man of his word, I wouldn't be able to convince him to stop by my place for an impromptu, quick visit.  Nope.  Peter was on a mission.  But he assured me he'd be back in 6 months.  I would see him then.

Flash forward to the next morning.  I got to work and checked my e-mail, and saw a message from Peter asking if I was free for lunch.  He had missed his flight.  A couple of hours later over some blue-cheese burgers in Yaletown, Peter commented that we were able to meet up because 'the powers that be' made it happen.

How so?  Well, he theorized, the supreme powers hacked into the flight database and changed his departure time.

My response: I think it was more like 'the powers that be' were banking on Peter's flakiness and 'stupidity gene' and therefore he'd screw up the departure times and voila - lunch with Rena.

We both laughed.  It was a nice visit (one that almost didn't happen).

04.19.2006  "Quote of the Day Part 4: Good Taste"
This one was said to me from across the table at Triggiano's coffee house by Marie.

She grabbed my right hand as she eyeballed my rather obvious, 8-carat blue topaz ring.  It's a recent purchase and I've been a bit self-conscious about wearing it (even thought it's a beautiful piece of jewelry, I like to think my taste is a bit more subtle than this screaming rock that demands people to 'Look at me!').  But in Marie's excited, pointed pronunciation, she wildly exclaimed:

"I just LOVE your ring!  It looks beautiful against your skin.  You have excellent taste, my dear."

I was tickled pink while I basked in the blue reflection.  My response - a wink while I proclaimed, "Good taste?  Well of course - I have you as a friend."

04.18.2006  "Top 5 List: Easter Long Weekend 2006"
It was such a marvelous, splendid long weekend.  There is so much to write about; instead, I'll give a brief summary that captures the gist of it:

5. Lotus Long Weekend - hanging out with Robin, Brent, and Piers at the Lotus while Farshad spun a wicked set (loved the mix of New Order's "Bizarre Love Triangle" - I'll never tire of that song).  Mix in some drinks, some flirtatious women who were probably too drunk to buy a clue, and a totally non-aggressive environment devoid of ego and you've got yourself some fun times.  Phun!

4. Family Dinners - first there was Sunday dinner with my family at my aunt's.  Highlights were determining which family member was loudest (why must they always use their 'Chinese voice' when answering the simplest of questions?) and having the mandatory family conversation about bodily functions (Robin teased my mother about greasy food not agreeing with her, that "White Spot becomes Brown Spot" and everyone laughing including my mom).  Then last night was dinner at Robin's parents, where highlights included watching the elders get completely wasted on wine and then them telling me how wonderful and pretty I am.

3. Indian Food and Gelato - two of my favourite things, shared with 3 of my favourite people (Robin, Sheldon, and David).  The India Bistro food was comforting and reasonable, and the environment was festive and warm. Then the ice cream was the perfect palette satisfier (I had chocolate with limone - my favourite combo).  But the icing on the evening was playing fetch with Mr. Biscuits (a cool cat indeed).

2. Saturday Brunch, Shopping and Kingston - one of my favourite ways to spend a Saturday.  Start off with brunch at Ricky's (with Robin, Brent, Piers), then do some shopping downtown, and top off the day with a late afternoon appetizer-beverage visit at the Kingston.  Then go home totally satisfied.

1. All Sleep and No Work Makes Me Happy - I was able to sleep in for 3 days in a row and not worry about work for 72 hours.  Sweet business.

04.14.2006  "Flirt"
I don't know which is funnier to watch: Brent and Piers getting hit on by young women (*isn't the guys' body language totally indicative of the fact that they're on an entirely different playing field?) or Robin getting hit on by the same, persistent woman (maybe his blushing, fumbling attitude makes him irresistible?).  Either way, it's hilarious.  I just sat back and enjoyed the flirting shenanigans at the Lotus that night, and was not offended by these young ladies who took it upon themselves to approach my boyfriend and my two friends, flirt with them, sit on them ("It was horrid!" he exclaimed with a British accent), and join us at our table.  And this was all done in my smiling presence.

But in general, here's my attitude on flirting: I've told Robin that I'm not offended if a strange woman (or man) approaches him and initiates casual conversation and takes an interest in him and he engages them (what I would define as flirting).  If people strike up conversations with me, I'm inclined to answer them - that's how it works.  Plus, they don't know right away that he's with someone - they need to talk to him first to determine that (and he always lets them know that he's with me).  Furthermore, I'm quite comfortable in my relationship that I'm sure Robin won't be straying anytime soon.  Just because a hot, young thing is talking to him, I don't think he feels like he just won the Jackpot.  As far as I'm concerned, he's already got his golden ticket.  In the end, the flirting never gets out of control.

Flirting is fun and harmless, assuming you're with the right person who respects you and obeys the boundaries.  Plus it can be hilarious as hell when you witness it from afar.

04.11.2006  "Food + Sleep + 'Robot Chicken' = Surreal Experience"
Picture this: Robin, Farshad and I were hanging out at our place on Saturday night, and we had just finished gorging on chicken-coconut-lime soup and Persian crispy rice with chicken.  Oh, and creme brulee.  We settled in the living room, Robin threw a Presto log on the fire, and we all topped off our lime margaritas.  Farshad set up the viewing entertainment, including some episodes of 'Little Britain', 'Drawn Together' and 'Robot Chicken.'

One by one, we all passed out in front of the TV.  I woke up around midnight - Robin was snoring on the floor and Farshad was asleep beside me on the couch.  The volume was super loud, the room was warm (from the fireplace), and I was struggling to gain consciousness from my power-nap.  As I lay there beached on the couch trying to find my bearings, an episode of 'Robot Chicken' was playing.

I've never seen this show before, but I can best describe it as a crazy series of stop-motion vignettes that reference pop culture.  It's not especially risqué or original, but it's just bizarre (in a good way).  An example: there was a stop-motion skit of the Transformers and in it the Autobots were all teasing Optimus Prime since he kept going to the washroom so frequently (yes, a robot was peeing).  But then it turns out that Prime had prostate cancer and everyone was visiting him in the hospital.  The best part was when on his deathbed he transformed into a red and blue coffin.  Brilliant.  And in the end, it was all a dramatization (explained by a healthy Prime and he warned of the dangers of not getting your prostate checked often enough)....

Anyway.  You get the idea.  But my point - when you're already tripping out from drowsiness, an overheated room and a full belly, watching a show like 'Robot Chicken' almost makes you feel - well, a bit insane.  I don't know if I'm explaining this very well.  Maybe you should just give it a try.

04.10.2006  "Heat Of the Moment"
This is kind of bizarre.  I often listen to LaunchCast radio at work via the internet.  A variety of songs are played and I rate the tune, artist, album etc. and over time a profile for me is created and then songs will be pre-picked for me as per my preferences.  Sometimes there are interruptions in the streaming (as expected) and sometimes the dialog boxes don't show up properly.  Oh well.  Not a big deal.

But here's the bizarre part.  I'd say once every 15 songs the wrong song dialog box is displayed, but get this - it displays the same song/artist each time.  It's Asia's "Heat of the Moment."  This just cracks me up since this is one of Robin's new favourites (after seeing it in an episode of 'South Park').  So, every time I see that Asia snake album cover come up on my screen, I laugh to myself and think of Robin singing it.

And regularly thinking of my sweetie at work is definitely not a bad thing.

04.05.2006  "Quote of the Day Part 3: Different"
This one was whispered to me by a stranger on the skytrain, and it reinforced how I am happy to be me.

I was sitting on the skytrain this morning.  When we got to Main Street, a number of people got on the car and they had to stand since it was pretty busy.  I looked up and saw an older gentleman (in about his 60s) holding on to the handrails in front of me.  He had greyish-white frizzy hair and he looked quite smart in his forest-green, tweed blazer, but he seemed to be struggling a bit with his breathing (just a little raspy).  I asked him if he wanted my seat and I went to stand up, but he just smiled and shook his head 'No'.  He still refused when I told him I was getting off at the next stop anyway.  Still smiling, he indicated he would have none of that.  He motioned with his hands for me to 'Stay seated.'

When the train got to Stadium, I went to stand up.  I motioned with my hand that he could have my seat.  He nodded and smiled when he leaned down towards me and whispered in a heavy, Eastern European accent:

"Thank you very much.  You are very different from all the rest," as he looked in the direction of all the other seated passengers.  As I exited the car, I looked back - he was easing himself into my now-vacated seat, still smiling.

Such simple words, but such kind words.  A total stranger had taken the time to show his appreciation of my gesture and to say something nice about me.  I suddenly felt light and free of any old, lingering negative thoughts that were lurking in the recesses of my mind.  I felt really good - about myself.  Funny how that is - one comment like that can brighten up your whole day.  I hope the feeling lasts.

04.04.2006  "Kitty Haunting - A Chronology"
Okay, I'm going to revisit the Bud-haunting topic due to more strange incidents.  Here's a chronology of events so far:

1. February 8 - Bud goes missing.  This is also the first time our TV mysteriously turned itself on.  Robin and I didn't figure out this TV thing until a later date.  At the time, we each blamed each other for forgetting to turn it off.
2. March 8 - Our TV turns itself on in the middle of the night.  Note - one month after Bud disappeared.
3. March 14 - I have an incredibly vivid dream about Bud walking on my pillow (more vivid than other dreams I've had to-date about finding him, etc).  In this dream, I can actually feel the pillow sink down as he walks by my head, and I hear his purring.  I don't see anything though, I just hear and feel him - almost as if he really was walking around me in waking life.
4. April 1 - Our TV turns itself on in the middle of the night.  Again.  It freaks me out.
5. April 4 - I have another incredibly vivid dream about Bud.  But again, I don't see him.  This time, I'm lying in bed (presumably asleep?) but I hear him meowing like he used to outside our bedroom door.  I'm so freaked this time that I wake Robin up and tell him, "I hear Bud!"

So, you skeptics out there are thinking "These are totally unrelated events, and there's an explanation  for everything: power surges are turning the TV on at odd hours, the dreams are just memories that appear extremely vivid during those semi-conscious moments, etc."  I'm tempted to agree, mainly because I don't like the idea of being haunted by a cat.  However, what if - just what if - there's a chance that it's all related?  I don't necessarily believe in 'ghosts' but I believe in energies and the fact that objects (i.e. people, animals) exist in a certain time/place and perhaps it's possible for time to get 'wrinkled' somehow, and the meow I heard last night was like a glitch in the time-recording somehow and it was in fact a meow that existed at a certain time in the house, say 9 months ago?  And maybe Bud's paw used to touch the TV remote when he would walk across the coffee table to snuggle on our laps?  (Note - I remember hearing this very scientific explanation of this time/place, physics-based theory on ghostly sightings, but I can't quite explain it as eloquently as the BBC documentary did.  Oh well).

Anyway.  I want to have a seance, but Robin poo-poos the idea.  My theory - whatever gives me peace of mind, I'm willing to try it.