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08.31.2004 "Press Repeat"
This morning during my
drive to work I listened to the same song, over and over
again: Bob Marley's "Waiting in Vain" (my favourite
song of his). I do that sometimes, just put the song on
repeat. But I typically only do it when I'm alone because I'm
sure it would drive people batty.
08.30.2004 "Movies for Free"
I haven't been seeing many
movies lately and it's been bothering me somewhat. I used to
go through my TV Guide every week and check the upcoming movies
because often there are quality, unedited films on Showcase, Bravo,
CBC, etc. So, I'm going to start this up again. I'm
going to set my VCR for this Friday night for Woody Allen's
"Radio Days" - if I don't like it, I don't feel like I've
wasted my money.
08.29.2004 "Fireworks"
Saturday was such a fun
evening. Brent got us tickets to the Canadians baseball game
at Nat Bailey stadium. The game itself was a backdrop to the
evening, which consisted of ballpark food (hot dogs, popcorn, beer,
and fries) and catching up with the gang. At the end, there
were fireworks.
I was expecting a tame display
(maybe a couple of cherry bombs?), but was surprised with a 15-minute
explosive show. I don't typically indulge in the annual Symphony
of Fire (don't like the crowds), so it was something else to be
treated to a quality show with a clear, unobstructed view without the
mayhem. During the finale, I had a huge smile on my face and I
felt giddy. There's something about fireworks that brightens up
your mood, almost making you feel like a kid again.
08.26.2004 "Thieves In the
Night"
As soon as I walked up to
the garage door to get my car, I knew something was wrong. The
door was closed but not shut. Upon closer inspection, I saw
that the deadbolt lock was broken. I pushed it open and turned
on the light. My car was there, looking armed and
unscathed. However, there was a noticeable bare space where my
mountain bike once hung (locked to the wall). Robin lost a few
things too - tools, appliances (leaf blower, etc), and some dumb
bells. And to think this all happened over the night, while we
were fast asleep. Very creepy indeed.
Yes, I know we'll pay the
deductible and then get some new things. My mountain bike,
however, was my 30th birthday present for myself. It was a black
Kona Cinder Cone and I loved it. I'm sure the initial shock and
disappointment will fade with time.
08.25.2004 "Pajamas at Work"
Do you ever have those
days where you look at what you're wearing and realize, "What
was I thinking when I got dressed this morning?" And of
course by then you're at work, and it's too late to go change.
I had one of those days yesterday. I was wearing tan corduroys
and a linen shirt, and I felt like I was wearing my pajamas at
work. So, today I paid special attention to what I put
on. Much better today.
08.24.2004 "A Smile On Your
Back"
I saw a young woman
walking on Commercial Drive this morning. She had a bright,
yellow smiley-face backpack on (which was a noticeable contrast to
her grey sweats and black umbrella). Most days I probably
would have thought, "How cheesy." However, today I
was in a great mood this morning, and I actually thought it was kind
of cheery and cute.
08.23.2004 "Back Into the
Closet"
Another strange, obsessive
thought from the farthest recess of my mind: I don't know how it
started, but this weekend I've been 'worrying' about how I have all
these fabulous clothes that probably won't fit me afterwards if/when
I get pregnant. I started to get all upset, and thinking
"All these fabulous clothes - what a shame!" But
then I planned it all out in my mind: I won't buy tons of clothes
over the next couple of years, so when I can't fit them anymore,
I'll be due for a new wardrobe anyway.
Ahhhh, the insanity of it all.
08.21.2004 "Back to the Future"
Last night I went out to
dinner with Brian, Shelly and two people from high school whom I
haven't seen in ages: Bruce and Mark. It was great to catch up
with people who found every detail of my life interesting and new
("Oh cool, you work at Blast Radius now! You're a project
manager - ah, that must be tough work. When did you meet your
boyfriend?" etc). Later, we got some bubble tea and took
a stroll through Shaughnessy. I ended up having a lengthy
discussion with Mark, about how it feels to live on your own
downtown, about where we are in life, about our careers, about our
families, etc. Suddenly, I felt like I was back to 1986,
walking along suburbia late at night and chatting with Mark.
But it was also different - our conversation had substance and
maturity. It was a good feeling.
It's nice to touch base with your
past once in awhile, and re-connect with people who knew you from way
back when. And it's good to get to know them as the people they
are now. Talking with them is similar to looking in a mirror -
you see how much your life has changed, and how you've
progressed. Friday night definitely left me with a positive,
nostalgic feeling.
08.20.2004 "Friday Off"
As I walked to work this
morning, I noticed some people casually hanging out on the patio at
Melriches. They were enjoying breakfast bagels and coffees,
and seemed in no rush to get anywhere. Then I started
thinking: what would I do if I took the Friday off work and just
relaxed?
I know I would sleep in, maybe watch
some "Nana Lan" on TV, then head downtown. I would
read the Georgia Straight while enjoying a morning juice (not much of
a coffee drinker), then just walk around the city and enjoy my freedom
while everyone else was working. If it was nice out (which seems
highly likely these days), I would head to English Bay and have some
fish and chips on the beach. Then I might do some shopping on
Robson and catch some end-of-summer sales.
And to think I was able to do this
for 4 months last year! Good thing I appreciated it back
then....
08.19.2004 "Forty is the New
Thirty"
I've been talking to my
friends recently about getting older. While we're not eager to
leave our 30s, I often hear the phrase "Forty is the new
thirty" in our conversations. Why, just look at Brad
Pitt, Johnny Depp, Julianne Moore, etc - celebrities in their prime
who are in their 40s. Brent and I joke about 'botox and black'
when we hit the 40 mark. And I know - age is just a number,
state of mind. But I can't believe I turn 33 this year!
That's crazy!
Who knows - at this rate, sixty
might be the new forty eventually. Regardless, I still plan to
have gorgeous skin right up to the end. Well, I'll probably be
good into my 60s, but the 70s might be a different story when I become
a shriveled old Asian lady with a stooped walk, draped in
polyester. Ai-yah, no!
08.18.2004 "Time vs. Money"
When did life become so
busy? When did it become so difficult to juggle all the
different things we need to do? Since when did 'getting the
gang' together involve no less than 2 dozen e-mails to coordinate
schedules? What happened to spontaneity? Life has been
like that for a couple of years (I'd say), but it seems to be
getting more and more hectic as time goes on. I can not
imagine what life will be like if I ever have kids, a family, etc?
On the news today they mentioned a
survey that showed people would take a cut in pay at work if it meant
more free time for them. I'd probably agree to that.
08.17.2004 "Art and Craft Day"
One of my favourite
t-shirts got a stain on it. It must have touched something red
when it was wet, because now there's a small dye stain on the
chest. I was going to retire it, but Ivan gave me an idea -
make some fabric cut-outs and cover up the stain. I could use
hand-stitching, and treat it like an art project.
I'm very excited! Simply
genius, Ivan. Now, I just need to find the time.....
08.16.2004 "Whistler Summer
Part 2"
Last weekend I went to
Whistler with Robin, Mark and Brent. We stayed at First Tracks
Lodge at Creekside (gorgeous 5-star resort). This was our
second year there - we're going to try and make it an annual summer
thing. We did plenty of lounging by the pool, hanging in the
hot tub, and tons of eating (high-fat, decadent food - steak and
perogies, full-on brunch including bacon, eggs and beans, smoked
salmon linguine, homemade pizzas, etc). Robin also did the
death-run mountain biking with the body armour (against my
protests :-) And we had A/C (which was totally a dream
in the 34C weather! I can't believe it is over now - it was
such a relaxing, chill time.
But it was also kind of nice to come
home and settle back into my regular life. Vacations give you
something to look forward to, and then coming home is comforting
because it reminds me of the stability that I have. I wonder
where I'll go for my next vacation?
08.12.2004 "Amazing Race -
Blast Radius Version"
Yesterday was Blast
Radius' summer event. It turned out to be an Amazing Race type
event. We were in teams of 6-8, and all had colour-coded
bandanas (I was on the Blue Meanies team). It started off with
an eating challenge (anchovies, stinky cheese, century-eggs, and
beer), then the race was off. I have to say that I have a new
appreciation for participants on the reality show. There were
a couple of times when we had information right in front of us but
didn't use/see it (e.g. didn't realize we were supposed to overlay
the clue (that had a cut-out) on top of our map to reveal our
destination), or we went to the challenges in the wrong order.
One challenge that made me laugh was making then selling a balloon
animal on Granville Island (we were fortunate enough for 2 Asian
kids to approach us and *ask* us to buy what we were making).
Then, at the final destination 'pit
stop', we went to the Dockside restaurant on Granville Island and had
an open bar and hot food (satays, pizzas, etc). Oh, and did I
mention that work ended at 1:30pm to accommodate the
festivities? Kick ass.
08.11.2004 "Knowledge at Your
Fingertips"
Last week Farshad and I
had a discussion on an ubiquitous topic - the internet. But it
just reinforced the fact that that internet is this vast, amazing
reservoir of knowledge. And I realized how I don't really
utilize it to its full potential (I just check the news, movie
reviews, etc). So, I've started a new regime. Every day,
I take a few minutes to Google any topic that I want to know more
about. So far this week I've read up on giant squids and
Megaladon (a prehistoric shark). How exciting.
08.10.2004 "Never 100%"
I was recently reminded of
a conversation I had with Miss Ivan lately. I asked him,
"Are you ever 100% comfortable with the big decisions that you
make in life? Examples: leaving a relationship, getting
married, moving in with your partner, etc." His answer,
accompanied by a comforting laugh, was "Never."
I didn't think his answer was
particularly pessimistic. In fact, I think he's right. Not
being completely comfortable with your decisions can be a good thing,
because it shows that you're thinking and evaluating, and therefore
growing and maturing. Also, it will bring your feelings and
emotions to the forefront where you can acknowledge them and deal with
them openly. Note: I'm not saying that having constant doubt
and regret are healthy things - I'm just talking about the occasional
pang of "What if?".
I think for me these feelings in
the end just reinforce my confidence in my decision. I know in
the end that I've made the right decision. It's just sometimes
that getting there can be a bit rocky. But that which doesn't
kill me makes me stronger (and wiser).
08.09.2004 "Treat and Get
Treated"
Saturday afternoon, I
treated Ivan to a veggie lunch at Foundation. Then, in turn,
he treated me to Americanos and lemon tarts at Soma. Later, I
treated Robin to a movie: "Bourne Supremacy"
(thumbs-up) after he bought all our weekly groceries. Then on
Sunday, I helped my mother assembler her new patio furniture and
hang her pictures in her condo. She treated me to lunch
(Chinese food!) and bought me 2 pairs of pants. I also left
her place with some cranberry juice and frozen trout and crab.
I love doing things for my loved
ones. And I love the fact that the feelings are mutual.
08.06.2004 "Culture for $5"
Farshad and I went to the
Art Gallery (on cheap admission night) to check out the Andy Warhol
exhibit. It was interesting, but since I'm quite familiar with
his work I didn't find it all that enlightening (I remember studying
him in university). I did find his earlier sketches
refreshing, and his Grace Kelly portrait is really beautiful up
close:
http://www.artdirectgallery.com/andy_warhol_grace_kelly.htm
I found the upstairs
"Baja-to-Vancouver" exhibit more interesting. One
series I liked was titled "Suburbia Street". It was a
series of large, colour photographs taken of a house in California
that is the set for porn movies. The house itself looked
inconspicuous and non-descript on the quiet street, and even the
interior shots with the porn stars waiting around in hair curlers
seemed innocent enough. The final shot was of the back of the
house with its serene pool and quaint gazebo. If you didn't look
closely enough, you could have easily missed the orgy going on between
the trees. That was worth the $5 admission fee alone.
08.05.2004 "Rebel Yell"
Yesterday during our
project plan meeting, Michael and I had a discussion that started
with music. We both agreed that the extreme expression of the
hip-hop culture was bordering on filth as opposed to art (e.g. we
appreciate the music itself, but how many times must be hear about
the 'bitches' and the 'hos' and the 'bling-bling'?). We
speculated on how bad it will become years down the road. I
jokingly said that eventually, the music and its culture will become
so extreme that things will go full circle and kids will become
ultra-conservative as a way of rebelling against their parents and
society.
Michael told me that he already knew
of a family that was encountering this (e.g. the 11 and 13-year-old
were chastising the parents for smoking pot). And here I only
said it in jest. Who knows how my children will rebel against
me?
08.04.2004 "Super Phat Tuesday"
Last night we really
outdid ourselves for Phat Tuesday. Brent, Sheldon and myself
went to Red Robin and indulged in Gooee Cheese Sticks, enormous
burgers (I had the Guacomole-Bacon burger), fries, and
milkshakes. Oh wow, it was good! Surprisingly I woke up
this morning feeling great. But I think I'll be making a salad
for tonight.
08.02.2004 "Lovely
Raindrops"
When I woke up this
morning, I was delighted that the sun wasn't shining directly in my
eyes. Instead, there was a lovely, grey cloud blocking the
rays. When I left the house, a mist of rain was falling and it
was so refreshing. The summer season has been amazing, but I'm
ready for autumn.
08.01.2004 "Proud But
Tired"
This year was my eighth
Gay Pride parade in a row. The parade itself becomes a
backdrop to the socializing and catching up with people you haven't
seen in years. But of course it's always good to show up in
groups to offer support (I just *love* the Menopausal Old Bitches -
MOB). We were tired and a little hung over, so by 1pm we were
ready to go. We left early and went for a late (and delicious)
lunch at Milestone's, then went home to chill out. No more $80
circuit parties or "Bootcamp" nights for this girl.
And that suits me just fine.
07.30.2004 "Lazy Friday"
This morning I was spoiled
because Robin didn't have to work today. So he hung out with
me during my daily routine (watched me do yoga in the living room,
hung out while I ate breakfast and watched TV). Then of course
we took advantage of my flexible work hours and 'lazed about in bed'
for a bit. When I left him he was watering flowers and
cleaning fish tanks. I wish I could have stayed with him all
day. How fun would that be? But someone has to bring
home the bacon.
07.29.2004 "Small Car Only"
Why do people who drive
Suburbans, Jeep Cherokees, or other large SUVs insist on
parking in stalls marked "Small Car Only"? As a
result, their tires or bumpers are often infringing on the shared,
painted lines. I don't get it.
07.28.2004 "Doggie Diaper"
On the way to work today,
I saw a man with his 2 German Shepherds. One of them was
slightly limping, and I noticed it was wearing a diaper-like
contraption around its hips. Maybe it had been in an accident
and couldn't relieve itself properly? Anyway, the whole scene
could have been pretty heartbreaking, but the dog seemed content to
be walking around outside with its human. How cute.
07.27.2004 "Shark Week"
I almost missed
"Shark Week" on the Discovery channel. I just
happened to see an article on-line about it (don't know how I
overlooked it in my TV Guide?). I'm very excited. I set
my VCR to tape 2 of the specials - one on aerial attacks by Great
Whites in South Africa, and one on bull sharks I believe. I
can't wait!
07.26.2004 "Beat the Heat"
Making it through
record-breaking temperatures is not fun, especially when you're
recovering from a cold/flu. I found my motivation level was at
an all-time low this weekend. Robin and I were in Home Depot
for one hour buying ceiling fans on Saturday. I got tired
watching him install them (took a nap). But it was worth it -
we were nice and cool for the remainder of the weekend!
07.23.2004 "Esther and the
T-Dot"
The city was sprawling and
inviting, and there was so much to do. Upon checking into the
Marriott on Yonge, Aly and I went for late-night tapas and drinks at
7 West.
The next day it was brunch at Pickle
Barrel (I thought of Brent while eating my potato latke) and a
shopping marathon at Eaton's Center. Aly left to meet his
friends, and I met Karen and Alejandro for Korean BBQ on Queen Street.
Then it was back to Alejandro's warm and cozy condo on Bay Street,
where we talked, laughed, and looked at photographs. It was so
good to see them! I met Aly for more drinks at Byzantium on
Church Street, then we got take-out wings and pizza and ate them in
bed at the hotel.
Saturday was an H&M shopping
trip in the burbs. Then we met Curtis at the trendy Hotel
Germain (our new temporary home) and I had the best shower ever.
I heard some of the best old-skool music at the clubs (Sandy B's
"You Make the World Go Round", Mr. Lee's classic "Get
Busy", etc).
Sunday was a sleeping
marathon. We got out of bed at 3pm for our first meal at the
Fortune Cookie Szechaun eatery on King Street (delicious!). Then it was
off to see Madonna at the Air Canada Center. I'm so glad I saw
the Re-Invention Tour. I was fixated from beginning to
end. Some highlights: Esther wearing military gear, playing a
guitar and singing "Material Girl", mixing The Verve's
"Bittersweet Symphony" with "Don't Tell Me", the
opening "Beast Within" images. Here are some
photos:
http://www.madonnalicious.com/gallery2004ri.html
Then Monday it was homeward
bound. A whirlwind trip, but delightful from beginning to end.
07.14.2004 "Toronto-Bound"
It's Wednesday - that
means I leave tomorrow for Toronto. I'm really looking forward
to shopping (H&M!), sleeping in, using the hotel pool, dining
out, going clubbing, seeing Madonna, and generally focusing on
myself. It's a well-deserved vacation, and I'll probably be
exhausted when I return. I can hardly wait.
07.13.2004 "Summer of Rena
Part 2"
Even though we may have
many friends and family in our lives, I've always learned to depend
on myself for happiness. Of course my loved ones contribute to
the everyday joys, but at the core of it is my own personal comfort
with myself. Then the positive energy radiates outwards.
Recently I reminded myself that I
really only have myself in this world (nothing is permanent - whoever
is in your life today may not be there tomorrow. I'm not being
negative, it's a realistic truth and it helps me enjoy each day/moment
that I have). Looking at myself this way, my first thought was
that I think I've lost sight of myself a little bit in the last couple
of years. I've been so pre-occupied with the various roles I've
acquired for myself lately (Project Manager at work, listener and
organizer and supporter in certain social circles, girlfriend,
daughter, etc) that I've kind of forgotten who I am.
So, this summer I think it's time to
invest some more time into personal growth and doing what makes me
happy. No more guilt, no more worrying about work, no more
obsessing that things aren't or never will be the way I want
them. That's not to say that I'm going to be selfish and only
please myself. No, I'm just going to make myself a better person
from the inside-out. That is, if there is any room for
improvement ;o)
07.12.2004 "Skytrain"
Last night I decided I was
going to try the skytrain for my morning commute. On my Sunday
bike ride, I scoped out where I was going to park near Royal Oak
station. Then this morning I got a parking spot no problem (on
a quiet, residential street) and got a seat on the train. It
was a lovely, scenic ride. And by the time I walked to my
office, door-to-door it was about 45 minutes (just about 10 minutes
more than driving). It's exciting establishing new routines.
07.09.2004 "Food is Good"
Yesterday was all about
food indulgence. For lunch, I went to Capone's and had an
amazing four-cheese pizza. The crust was perfect, and it was
so incredibly tasty. I ate the whole thing. When I met
Farshad and Glyn after work, we had some New York Fries poutine
before our shopping trip. So decadent! Then dinner at
the Eatery was fantastic as usual. Farshad and I split the
large California roll and a Yummy Yam roll, then we each got a Nabe
Yuko Udon Soup (which has chicken in it and comes with rice and
tempura). I'm glad I enjoy food - it
adds a dimension of enjoyment to life, that's for sure.
07.08.2004 "Sad Shoe"
On the way to work, I saw
a lost child's shoe on the sidewalk (or, it was so small it could
have been a baby's). It was blue cloth with a soft leather
sole, and a felt puppy's head sewn on the top. It looked very
sad and alone. I was almost tempted to pick it up and take it
with me. Hmmm, I sense a dog-theme here (see previous journal
entry).
07.07.2004 "About a Dog"
Last week, I fell in love
with a dog (again - the first time was a friendly Pommeranian that I
met a few weeks ago at a florist shop). This time it was a
French bull-dog puppy. She was very happy to sniff me, stare
lovingly into my eyes, and lick my hand (just like the ginger
pom-pom). I was so tempted to untie her and take her with me
back to work. But I don't think her owner would have
appreciated it (especially since he was sitting with her).
07.06.2004 "Let's Make an
Effort Here"
Paige met me very briefly
at work on her way back to the airport. It was so great to see
her (and Norm). I remember when we used to work together,
Paige was always my fashion meter. When I saw her yesterday, I
realized how casual I dress at work now. And that's rather
funny, considering I now work in hip, trendy Yaletown. I think
it's time I made some more effort on my appearance now. I'll
have to go clothes shopping in Toronto next week.
07.05.2004 "New Things"
Now that I'm living out in
Burnaby, I have to establish new routines and find new things e.g.
new bike trails, new commute routes, new bank machine locations, new
late-night eateries, etc. It's a little bit of an
inconvenience, but also exciting! Yesterday Robin and I went
cycling down by the river (which one I don't know) and had lunch on
this little pier. It was amazing, but weird because I'm so
used to cycling alone.
Afterwards I cleaned our bikes and
helmets on the lawn. And it was so nice and novel for me because
I would never leave our bikes unattended on the front lawn of my old
apartment building while I ran inside to get cleaning supplies.
I had forgotten about all the advantages of living in a house.
07.02.2004 "So Relaxed"
A highlight from July 1st:
me lying on a blanket on our backyard lawn. It's around 6pm
and still sunny and warm, and I'm getting very tired. My tummy
is full from the BBQ lunch (chicken, beef, pasta salad, chips and
dips), and I can hear Bob Marley in the background. I can also
hear the voices of Robin and friends that are nearby, but sound
distant and soothing through my sleepy haze. I'm so relaxed
and comfortable as I drift off. What a perfect ending to a
perfect day....
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