My Dream Log:  

This is my dream log.  Sometimes I have pretty vivid dreams  I rarely take them at face value, and I realize that analyzing them is tricky and open to interpretation.  However, I find that it's a good mental exercise to write about what I dreamt and fit it into the context of my current waking life.  Sometimes it helps me better understand what's going through my mind (or sometimes the dreams are just good for a laugh!).

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Interpretation:
I'm going to go out on a limb here.  This is what I think: in the dream I'm looking for a public bathroom which can be kind of stressful.  Even though I don't find what I'm looking for I end up in this calm, relaxing place (the spa).  And even though the rays were potentially dangerous, I remember being in awe of them and thinking they were so beautiful.  In a nutshell, I think I need to stop stressing the small stuff and realize the beauty that is everywhere.  I have been a bit anxious about mundane things lately (e.g. getting laundry done, washing the endless loads of dishes each day, etc).  I think I need to let that go.

08.28.07 "Back At the Old Apartment (Again)"
I wish I had written down my dream when I woke up this morning because there were so many different scenes and scenarios but I can only remember one specific part now.  I dreamt I still had my apartment on Cambie Street (in addition to our current house).  I went to check it out and it was a little different from reality, more funky.  In fact, it had some cool, retro furniture in it that my family had growing up.  I remember being stressed out because I hadn't been writing rent cheques recently but Robin assured me that it was probably ok i.e. the landlord probably wouldn't kick me out.  But then in my dream I realized the truth, that I had moved out of there 3 years ago.  When I woke up, for the first few seconds as I remembered my dream, I liked the feeling - nostalgic, freedom, etc.

Interpretation:
This is definitely a recurring dream theme - my old apartment.  I have to be honest with myself, that no matter how great my life is now, there are still some really happy moments from when I was living on Cambie Street in Vancouver.  That apartment signifies that youthful independence and carefree lifestyle that I once had and have now (happily) traded in for responsibility and parenthood.  It doesn't upset me that this apartment keeps popping up in my dreams.  It doesn't depress me or make me wish that I had done things differently.  I just enjoy the happy feelings that I have whenever I wake up and look back at that time of my life with great fondness.

07.22.07 "Pimples and Infidelity"
Last night's dream was very vivid and intense.  I dreamt I went to the doctor.  I insisted that I was fine, but when he dipped my leg in water it suddenly turned bright red.  He said it was caused by a huge boil-pimple thing and sure enough I saw a large swollen mass on my leg.  He squeezed it and all this gross junk spurted out.  I was grossed-out yet relieved at the same time.  Then in the second part of my dream I called Robin.  I was surprised when a young woman answered our house phone.  I learned that Robin was done with our relationship and he had already moved on to a new girlfriend.  I remember thinking, "No, I'm not ready for this.  It's not fair.  It's not right. "  I felt that horrible feeling in my stomach (you know, when you're getting dumped) and I tried to negotiate with Robin but he had already made up his mind.  I woke up pretty stunned, and it took me a few seconds to realize that it was just a dream.

Interpretation:
These two dreams are definitely related.  Dreaming about popping pimples can signify that I have some negative emotions to release.  I realize that I've been a bit nasty lately, a bit negative.  I'm not sure why?  Anyway, who do I take it out on - poor Robin.  So this dream is telling me that I need to purge my negativity in a healthier manner and not just be nasty to loved ones around me.  When I woke up I was so relieved that it was just a dream that I rolled over and hugged my man.  I was so happy that he was still with me.  At that moment I made a resolution to treat him better.  He deserves better.

07.20.07 "Shopping in Amsterdam"
I had this dream awhile back, but I can still remember it pretty vividly.  I dreamt I was on a business trip in Amsterdam with some co-workers.  I had seen a store near our hotel that sold these cool sweaters and planned to go buy one but I hadn't mentioned this to anyone.  Then JJ told me that she was going to do some shopping in town (and that sounded very appealing to me) and she wondered aloud why anyone would want to go to the local stores near the hotel.  I felt mildly embarrassed that I had intended to go to one such store.

Interpretation:
I'm pretty sure I know what's going on here.  Lately I've been buying really inexpensive clothes for the summer because I want to be comfortable and I know Sloane will pretty much destroy them this year (with drool, spit-up, sharp fingernails).  I don't look like a bag-lady, but I'm just not so focused on style as much as I used to and I'm not shopping at my usual stores (oh, I will go back to my usual haunts once Sloane's a bit older - that's for sure).  At work JJ is definitely one of the more stylish people and in my dream I think she represented my recognition that I'm being more practical these days when it comes to my wardrobe.  Oh well.  It's only a temporary thing....

07.09.07 "Forgetting Baby"
I had one of those parenting-anxiety type dreams last night.  I dreamt that I purposely left Sloane in the car overnight at an old friend's house.  For some reason I was still living in North Vancouver.  But then when it came time to go get her, I was suddenly in my current location in Burnaby.  In the dream I was trying to control things, thinking to myself, "Come on, Rena!  Just imagine yourself in North Vancouver and you'll be there quicker!"  Even though I knew Sloane would be ok, I felt really bad and couldn't wait to get her back.

Interpretation:
No, I don't think I'm a bad mother.  Nor do I secretly want to get rid of my child.  I think it was just general anxiety manifesting in a dream.  But I'll never forget that feeling of regret and guilt while I walked the streets, desperate to see my girl again.  Haunting.

06.27.07 "Mini-Me Husband"
Holy crap!  Last night's dream was very vivid and crazy.  Where do I start?  I was in this fabulous house.  I shared it with my husband who happened to be a midget and in a wheelchair, kind of like the actor who played Mini-Me.  There was a bunch of home organizing to be done (one of my favourite activities in real life).  When my husband left for the day I went to give him a hug and a kiss good-bye.  In the dream I suddenly thought to myself, "Hmmm, so this is my husband?  Am I really happy with this?"  I remember the feeling of disappointment, but then I was content.

Interpretation:
Again, where to start.  The house was amazing.  I remember being in the bedroom and it was an open concept leading directly to a beautiful garden, no door needed.  It doesn't sound practical but in the dream it was incredible.  Houses can represent ourselves, our souls.  The fact that I was cleaning and organizing (and excited to do so) can signify that I want to clear out old patterns.  And the fact that I was really pleased with my house (i.e. myself) signifies that I've already started improving myself.

Midgets can signify that I'm feeling small and insignificant.  But I don't think that's really applicable here.  Instead, I think it might mean that even though things in my home life aren't always ideal, I can still thrive in my situation.

06.15.07 "Post-Apocalyptic Chickens"
I knew I should have written earlier about last night's dream.  It was really vivid this morning, but now details are a bit hazy.  I think I was in some kind of post-apocalyptic situation.  The world wasn't completely destroyed but it was just kind of quiet, not many people out and about.  I needed to go from my house (which was my old childhood one, I might add) to some kind of destination and the journey there was just a little freaky through deserted neighbourhoods, and danger seemed possible (not necessarily imminent).  When I got to where I needed to be, I was told I had to negotiate with some woman named Maggie about getting my chickens back.

Suddenly I was back in my old childhood block again and I had left my bike in the ditch.  I wanted to retrieve it but there were obstacles (can't exactly remember what) but when I thought about it, I realized the bike would be ok for one more day.

Interpretation:
I'm kind of stumped about this one.  Looking at the first part of the dream, I think it's speaking to the fact that I'm yearning for something familiar, something comfortable.  Chickens can symbolize gossip, but I don't think that really applies to this dream.  Instead, the fact that I had to leave my old hood to retrieve something that was lost means that maybe I feel that I've lost a part of me and venturing out to find it is taking me out of my comfort zone.  I don't know.

The second part about the bicycle: seeing a bike can mean that I need to devote more time to leisure activities.  That is very true.  However, I think it also ties back to my first dream.  Even though I didn't get my chickens back, the loss aspect was transferred to my bike and I did have it.  It just wasn't entirely safe and sound.  But I knew it would be.  Whatever it is that I feel I'm lacking in life, my mind was telling me that it'll be all right.

05.31.07 "South American Treasures"
I liked last night's dream.  Once again, I was in my old apartment.  But I didn't live there, I was specifically there to clean it out.  And while I was going through everything, I found some wonderful treasures: beautiful stationery, a cool coffee pot, and some jewelry that I had bought when I was in South America years ago.  I couldn't believe why I would leave all this stuff behind, so I packed it up and I was excited to take it with me.

Interpretation:
I'm pretty sure this dream reflects some feelings I've been having lately about comparing my life to others'.  In general I'm confident about how I live my life.  But every so often I look at people around me and I can't help but feel like they're ahead of me, and perhaps I'm not doing enough (I'm sure new parents often feel this way).  It's natural to compare ourselves to others and feel inadequate sometimes.  But this dream was telling me to appreciate what I already have, and don't forget where I come from.  I like that message.  It reminds of that line from the Sheryl Crow song: It's not getting what you want/It's wanting what you've got....

05.27.07 "Decadent Hot Dog Dates"
I had two rather fun and dare I say decadent dreams recently.  In the first one I dreamt I was back at my old apartment (and living the single life apparently) and I had a date with a guy who looked like Ryan Reynolds.  I was very excited.  I woke up before my date actually happened, but I still had a smile on my face.  When reality hit me and I remembered that Robin and Sloane were sleeping nearby, I felt a bit guilty.  But it was still fun.

In the second dream I was with two friends.  One was a character from a TV show (Mason from "Dead Like Me") and an old friend whom I haven't seen in years.  We got a late-night snack at a hot dog stand.  We were laughing and talking on the sidewalk when Robin (and maybe Sloane - I can't clearly remember) came by.  I suddenly thought to myself that maybe I shouldn't be out like this, but then I rationalized through it and everything seemed kosher.

Interpretation:
Despite the fact that hot dogs (and dates with hot guys) can symbolize sexuality, I think these two dreams merely reflect the fact that I'm having lots of fun these days.  The craziness of my recent life changes has subsided and life is much more comfortable now.  The first dream was pretty straightforward indulgent.  The second dream was a bit more complex.  The two people I was with are/were very fun, spontaneous individuals.  And I enjoy hot dogs in waking life but rarely eat them because they are not very healthy.  And the fact that I could blend all these components with my family life, well - I think it reflects the fact that family life is fun indeed, a new definition of fun.

05.07.07 "Identity Theft"
I had a double-whammy the other night. First I had one of those 'my body is asleep but my mind is still awake' experiences. You know, when you're conscious of things but you can't move your body.  It was quite scary.  I thought there was an intruder in the house and I couldn't budge a muscle.  Terrifying.

Then I dreamt that I was staying by myself at a hotel and someone broke in and took my wallet with all my identification, like my passport.  I remember being really pissed off, but then I got the wheels in motion to start replacing everything.

Interpretation:
This dream seems pretty transparent to me.  I think it represents my thoughts about my recent transition to motherhood, a kind of 'loss' of my former self, if you will.  I don't think it's particularly negative.  I've recently undergone huge changes and of course I have mixed emotions sometimes, some days are better than others, etc.  That's just the way it goes.

04.16.07  "Motherhood Dreams Have Started - Danger and Bad Eggs"
I've started to have motherhood-related dreams, and I didn't like the two that I had last night.  In the first one, Sloane was left alone in a field somewhere.  It was night time and I was observing her from afar, using binoculars.  There were other people there telling me what was going on.  They informed me that she was safe for up to 12 encounters i.e. she might be approached by a wolf or bear or baby-kidnapper, and she'd be safe as long as no more than 12 entities approached her.  I was horrified that she was in that situation yet I made no attempts to go get her.

The second dream involved me using some eggs in the fridge that were way past their expiry date.  When I went to crack them, I saw that they were moving on their own.  The yolks inside had matured into chicks but they were deformed and rotten.  I didn't actually see them because I turned away.

Interpretation:
Bad mother.  That's the analysis that comes to mind.  I seem to be having fears and anxieties that I'm being a bad mother in waking life.  Also rotten eggs can signify loss (maybe in this case the loss of my former, less complicated life?).  Anyway.  I'm sure I'll have many more panic-inducing dreams involving motherhood in the near future as I get used to having my daughter in my life.  I'm not too concerned, but I certainly don't look forward to having more of them.

04.04.07  "Post-Birth Lack of Dreams"
Now that my sleeping schedule is extremely fragmented (due to my lovely daughter, whom I hold no resentment against), I can't really remember my dreams.  Oh well.  So I apologize for no updates here.  But once the sleeping schedule returns to normal (whenever that is) and my dreams are more memorable, I'll be sure to update my dreamlog again....

02.22.07  "Hormones and Soon-To-Be Babies Make for Strange Dreams"
I've been having some particularly vivid and sometimes disturbing dreams lately.  But I've been told (and I've read) that this is totally normal for soon-to-be parents, especially mothers-to-be with unpredictable hormone levels.  Some of the more bizarre ones I've had lately:

-I dreamt I had a baby but I couldn't remember the delivery.  My mother was over at the house and the baby's head started to bleed.  I ran out into the living room and cowered on the couch, not wanting to do anything (and not knowing what to do) whereas my mother reacted in horror but then took care of the situation.  I woke up feeling very distressed and disturbed.

-I dreamt I had a baby but went on and on to Robin about how I couldn't remember the delivery (so far sounds familiar).  I kept asking him how it went and he looked at me like I was crazy.  And I did indeed feel like I was losing my mind in this dream.

-I dreamt that we went to McDonald's to get a Filet-o-Fish (something I've been craving in waking life) but when we got there it had been discontinued from the menu.  I was very disappointed.

Interpretation:
I'm not going to go into any in-depth analysis because I'm pretty sure these anxiety dreams are pretty normal given the situation.  I'm just glad I'm able to sleep at all these days.  Last night I was in bed by 10:45pm and didn't get out of bed until 10:30am this morning.  Oh, it was so nice.  And I'm making sure I can enjoy this rest while I can (crazy dreams or not).

01.25.07  "Television In a Forest of Creepy-Crawlies"
I really didn't enjoy last night's dream at the time, but the more I think about it the better I feel about it.  I dreamt I was in a forest of tall, beautiful, lush trees.  However I didn't feel comfortable because the roots were infested with writhing clusters of worms and spider legs (not actual spiders - it's hard to explain).  I tried to get rid of them with bug-spray but it wasn't working.

Then I found out I was spending the night in the forest.  When I settled into the base of my tree I realized that it was very comfortable with a bed and everything, and magically the bugs (and their legs) were gone.  There was also a big-screen TV with a PVR and I was happy to have the whole entertainment unit to myself.  I felt at peace again.

Interpretation:
Let's start with the worms.  They can represent general negativity and a low opinion of somebody.  I smiled when I looked it up because last night right before bed I had a discussion with Robin about probably my least favourite person in the world (someone I don't like, someone I have no respect for, and someone I believe to be a total weasel).  So I'm confident this person was the worms in my dream - making me uncomfortable.

Moving on, the trees often represent new hopes, growth, strength and stability.  It could mean that I'm concentrating on my self-development.   And television in general could be a symbol of my flowing thoughts and how I'm receiving and integrating information.  Coincidentally when I woke up this morning I felt at peace about my negative feelings about the worm-individual.  I felt I had a breakthrough about how to deal with this person and the negative emotions I seem to feel whenever we cross paths.  So yeah - I ended up liking this dream in the end.

12.12.06  "Public Transit Bus #37"
Again, this one is for Tom.  I dreamt I was trying to get somewhere via bus and it was a bit frustrating because the routes didn't make sense and I seemed to be waiting forever, etc.  But then the bus finally pulled up and I noticed on the route indicator display on the front it read "37 Mag".  When I got on Tom was indeed driving and he waived my fare saying that the ticket taker machine was not working.  He helped me get to where I needed to go.

Interpretation:
I haven't had a bus dream in awhile (which can often indicate just going along with the crowd).  But I'm pretty sure I know why I had this particular dream.  Last night was my company holiday function and since Tom was the MC there were several references to 37.  But more importantly I was a bit weirded out last night because I'm on sabbatical and also with my upcoming extended leave from work I feel a bit detached from my co-workers.  And seeing them last night in the dim mood-lights and dressed-up for a social function, it all seemed extra unfamiliar to me.  But when Robin and I first walked in, Tom greeted us warmly and later told me specifically that it was 'good to see me.'  I definitely felt more comfortable after that and could relax a bit more.

11.25.06  "Bathroom Stalls with 37"
This one is for Tom.  I dreamt that I was in a public washroom.  It was a real cool setup.  The architecture of the stall doors reminded me of a hobbit house.  The stalls were built into a rock wall and the doors were made of this beautiful, dark wood and the locking mechanisms were all naturally interlocking (this is really difficult to describe).  It was just a really, organic design (if that makes it any more clear).  Anyway, I saw a stall with '37' carved into it.  I told Tom about this and he got his camera to take a picture of the door.

Interpretation:
The '37' and Tom theme probably stemmed from an incident on Friday when Tom took a picture of my Magic 8 ball at work.  I'm pretty sure.  But the 'organic' bathroom - bathrooms in general can relate to instinctual urges and privacy issues.  In this case since the whole design was quite pleasing to the eye and I felt comfortable, maybe the dream is speaking to a general comfort level with myself and my surroundings, and finding the beauty in everything around me?

11.14.06  "White Cat"
I dreamt that I was holding a white cat.  She was related to Calvin somehow, and that made me love the kitty even more.  I remember holding her and she was a big cat, cuddly and calm.  It felt really nice to have her in my arms.

Interpretation:
Apparently white cats can signify difficult times.  I'd say that applies to my current situation. I've had many health-related issues for the past couple of months but recently I've had some breakthroughs with my progress.  I finally am optimistic that I'm on the mend and I can feel myself getting stronger.  The fact that I was comfortable with the white cat probably means that I'm able to deal with my issues and it's all going to be all right soon.

11.03.06  "Intense Dreams - Emotional Reflections of Calvin"
I've been having some very intense, vivid dreams lately (more so than usual).  Last night there were a whole bunch, but I want to highlight one in particular.  I was back at my mother's old house and the neighborhood cats were playing on the lawn in the backyard.  I was seated on the patio stairs, and my beloved Calvin came up to me.  I was fully aware that this was an impossibility, and I knew on some level that somehow I was being offered this opportunity to spend some time with him again.

I bent down to pick him up and he felt exactly the same as when he was a young feline - large, heavy, robust, substantial, furry.  I choked back tears because I was so happy to enjoy this moment even though I knew it couldn't possibly exist in reality and it would only be temporary.  I woke up to the sound of my own sleep-whimpers.  You would think that I'd be pissed at the fact that I practically woke myself out of this wonderful dream, but that wasn't the case - I knew the sensation of being with Calvin again would be brief anyway, so I wasn't upset that it only lasted as long as it did.

Interpretation:
Calvin was no ordinary cat, so I'm not just going to think of this dream as a 'cat dream.'  In this case (and in general) I think he represents warmth and love and comforting familiarity.  I was so appreciative of the fact that he was 'offered' up to me again, to embrace and enjoy.  I think in waking life I need to really appreciate the love and goodness that surrounds me, and cherish those moments because nothing is forever.

10.11.06  "High School Dreams"
I can barely remember last night's crazy montage of dreams.  But during one distinct portion I was back in high school with some friends who actually attended school with me in the past as well as some current co-workers.  It wasn't terribly stressful or anxiety-inducing, but I remember realizing that I shouldn't actually be there.  I went through the motions even though I knew it wasn't a reality on one level.

Interpretation:
Unresolved childhood anxieties.  Concern over performance and abilities.  The list goes on, and it's pretty textbook stuff.  But when I look at my concerns in my waking life, they're more general.  This not-being-able-to-walk-properly thing (due to back aches and displaced hip sockets) has really taken its toll on me emotionally.  Even though I know it's only temporary, I feel slightly inadequate and a shadow of my former self (if I want to be dramatic).  I am so used to constantly running around at lightning speed that it's been very difficult having to slow down and not even walk as much as I'm used to.  But I recently realized that it's also a sign for me to slow down, take it easy, and conserve my energy for the months to come.

09.11.06  "Late Night Journeys in the Dark Forest"
Last night's dream left me with a very distinct, foreboding feeling.  I dreamt I was with Farshad and we were in his car.  We were on a regular, outing but it was late at night and we were driving through the forest.  It was night-time and I didn't feel at ease even though Farshad kept reassuring me.  I'm not even sure why I was anxious - I think I was partly concerned about getting home at a reasonable time.  But the darkness in the forest really made me cringe even though we had the safety of the car.

Then the dream hit a distinct turning point.  Suddenly we were done (whatever that meant) and we emerged from the trees into a brightly-lit clearing.  I also discovered that the time had just flown by (3 hours) and it wasn't as late as I thought.  There were food stalls (like mini-donuts) and we decided to treat ourselves.  I felt safe and comfortable again.

Interpretation:
This dream seems pretty transparent on the surface.  I think it's all about change and uncertainty.  Being in a forest signifies a transition period, and stumbling around in the darkness can represent the fear of the unknown.  I think this all ties into my life transitions that have occurred over the last few months (i.e. more focus on starting a family and the quiet life).  Being with Farshad was significant as well.  Since he's one of my friends that I associate with partying and going out, his presence in my dream signified that contrast in lifestyles. 

And I liked how the dream ended with the clarity and the food.  Food can signify emotional nourishment.  So, it seems my journey through the dark forest (and through waking life) may seem scary at first, but satisfaction and reward are waiting for me at the end.  And I can still have my old friends with me on the journey - I won't lose them along the way.

07.20.06  "Co-worker Sleepovers, Crocodiles, Chaos"
I wish I could remember more about last night's dream, because it was a doozy.  I remember the first portion of the dream felt very realistic because in the dream I awoke in the middle of the night and found one of my co-workers sleeping in a makeshift bed by our computer nook.  In the dream it became clear that this was normal because we had an arrangement where she stayed over at our house during the work week because she didn't like her commute (but I remember thinking this was odd considering she lives in North Burnaby - she's closer to Yaletown than we are).  We both talked about our inability to sleep properly and other normal chit-chat.  I wasn't uncomfortable by her presence but I remember thinking it was odd.

Then the second portion of the dream was totally different.  I was somewhere hot and tropical.  I was at a house with some people I didn't know.  We were trying to retrieve a stolen ring or something.  But I clearly remember being on a makeshift raft with some young teens as we paddled down a murky channel.  One of the kids was horsing around, and he would push our raft under the water and 'tease' us that the crocodiles would now be able to get us.  I remember being scared, and I can clearly recall being dunked while I lay stomach-down on this raft.  When we surfaced, I was horrified to see a giant crocodile beside us, but it turned out to be one made of wood.

Interpretation:
I don't really know what to make of the dreams.  Once again, I need to pay attention to how I felt.  The first dream with my co-worker: it was one of those things where something should be normal (i.e. we had made these arrangements) but it still felt weird.  Maybe I should take a closer look at something in my life that's seemingly normal but really re-consider if it's necessary or needed or in fact really normal?

The second dream seemed to have some 'negative' images associated with it (murky waters can signify negative emotions and clouded judgment and crocodiles can represent hidden negative feelings).  But again, in the end, the danger turned out to be fake (i.e. the wooden animal).  So, once again, I think I need to re-examine something in my life that may not be what I think it is.  The question now, is what should I be looking at?

06.29.06  "Blast From the Past II - The Unibrow"
This is weird but I just had another dream about the person that I mention in the 06.14.06 entry.  This time we were hanging out and it felt really nice (although a bit uncomfortable and awkward at first while we acknowledged how our friendship had ended).  I remember admiring her hair and thinking how great she looked.  But when I looked closer, I noticed she had a really crazy unibrow (like Frida Kahlo on steroids).  It was quite shocking and distracting and it weirded me out.

Interpretation:
I think these last two dreams are dealing with my past behaviour patterns in general.  Specifically, I think I'm repeating some bad behaviour patterns that have lingered with me for awhile and I really need to abandon them and move on.  In particular, I think I have to deal with some assertiveness issues, how I deal with people in my life, and letting go of certain anger feelings.  I didn't even bother to look up what a 'unibrow' signifies in a dream, but I think I've got the gist of it.

06.14.06  "Blast From the Past"
I haven't been really good lately about updating my dream log.  I remember my dreams when I wake up but I just haven't been recording them.  And then they fade from my memory.

Anyway, I do recall a dream that I had recently.  I dreamt I was hanging out with a friend from my past, someone who I was once very close to but we went our separate ways eventually (I was the main instigator for this - I just didn't think our friendship was very healthy after a series of events and noticeably bad patterns).  In the dream it felt really nice and familiar to be with her.  I recall thinking in the dream that it was good to reconnect (and this reflects waking life - I've often thought it would be nice to run into her and just catch up, not necessarily being best friends again).  But then she wanted me to go somewhere with her, and when I looked more closely at her she looked quite different.  Suddenly she looked like a young boy, a teenager.  It kind of freaked me out.

Interpretation:
I think this dream reflects my doubts to reconnect with my past.  It's good in some ways to remember your past and learn from it, but it's not always a good idea to 'go back'.  In reality I sometimes toy with the idea of giving ex-friends a phone call, but I think my sub-conscious is telling me that it's best to leave certain things alone.

05.10.06  "Party #1 or Party #2?"
I really enjoyed last night's dream (specifically the feeling I had when I woke up).  I dreamt there were 2 social events going on, and they were probably work-related.  I found myself at one that was loud, bustling and standing-room only.  Everyone around me (I recognized some co-workers) were dressed up and whooping it up while they fought line-ups for drinks and wrestled for morsels at the food stations. I remember thinking to myself, "They seem to be having fun, but I don't really think this scene is for me."

The next thing I knew, I was at the second social event.  It was noticeably less popular, indicated by the manageable attendance.  It was a nice venue by the water, and only a few of the tables were occupied by small groups engrossed in intimate conversation.  As I entered, a group (I assume they were co-workers and familiar, but I did not recognize them in waking life) let out a cheer and said they were happy that I decided to come to this party instead.

I went to the buffet and it was full of delicious food and there were no line-ups.  In fact the staff were available and ready to help me get what I wanted.  I woke up and felt really comforted.

Interpretation:
This dream definitely ties into my recent thoughts about my socialization behaviour.  I've noticed in the past couple years I've gravitated more towards small, intimate gatherings as opposed to large, bustling parties.  And in the past few months I've really made an effort to scrutinize my socialization patterns even more, and ensure that I'm not doing things (or hanging out with certain people) "because I feel I have to" or whatever.  I'm making sure that when I do go out, it's something that I really want to do and it's with someone who is really worth my time.

05.02.06  "Meandering Montage of Stressful Situations"
As I specified below, I'm not really remembering my dreams lately.  Here's a string of short dreams that I had in between the time Robin snoodled me before he left for work and when I got out of bed:

-I dreamt there was a salad with some spiders in it.  I was trying to get rid of them and not offend my guests but it was gross and stressing me out as they darted around the bowl.  Everyone else didn't really seem to care and they were more adept at capturing and getting rid of the pesky insects than I was.

-I was with Robin, his parents, my  mother and my grandmother (in a wheelchair).  We were trying to leave SFU (or just some large facility) and had to jump down from a ledge and avoid falling in some water (like a moat?).  It was very awkward with a wheelchair.  But when I peered over the edge again, I realized there was a 'false floor' (very hard to explain, but basically suddenly the floor was solid and the water didn't exist depending on how one rotated this large platform).

-I suddenly can't remember the other stress-inducing segments, but there were more.

Interpretation:
Meh.  I don't feel like getting into it.  I guess things are on my mind, causing me stress?  Nothing news-breaking.  And certainly nothing to lose sleep about.

04.24.06  "Bud's Toenails Clicking on the Hardwood"
I'm not really remembering my dreams lately, which is very odd.  Usually (as you can read in past dreamlog entries) I recall extremely vivid details of my nocturnal adventures.  But lately I'll wake up with vague feelings or impressions or images, and suddenly they escape me.  Oh well.  I'm also getting amazing sleeps, so I'm not going to complain.

But I did have another 'waking dream' that involved Bud.  I think I might have been half-conscious as I lay there in the bed, because in my 'dream' I was lying in bed and everything looked the same.  I remember thinking to myself: wouldn't it be weird and kind of creepy if I suddenly heard Bud's toenails on the hardwood floors like I used to.  Then guess what I hear - the click-click-click of Bud's pointed nails as he approached from the hallway and entered the bedroom.  Even though I knew it wasn't happening, it felt very real indeed.

Interpretation:
Oh Bud.  I don't mind having these dreams at all.  They keep his memory alive.

03.14.06  "Bud In the Bed"
Last night's dream was very vivid.  I think it's because I was half-awake, and I was aware of such things as how I was positioned in the bed, where Robin was in relation to me, etc.  I dreamt that Bud ran into the bedroom and jumped on to the bed.  As he walked across my pillow, I distinctly remember feeling the pillow sink down under his weight.  I couldn't see him, but I could hear him purring in my ear.  It was comforting knowing he was home.

Interpretation:
I'm not going to dive into this one.  I just wanted to describe the realistic feel of this dream.  Maybe I was in the waking world and he was visiting me?  I'll never know.  But it was a nice feeling

03.09.06  "Crazy Fish"
Holy craziness!  Last night's dream was a doozy, but I'll do my best to explain it.  The dream started out with a dinner (Robin, myself, some other familiar friends).  We were eating fish and it was good, but we also all had our bare feet in a fish tank that was under the table.  I remember laughing because the fish at our feet were swimming around and tickling us.  At one point, one of them was nibbling my toes.  It didn't hurt, but it felt weird.

Then the dream took a completely different turn.  It became an action-adventure.  Suddenly a fish came out of the fish tank and started running throughout the house.  But it wasn't really a fish - it was more like a mascot from Red Lobster (a person wearing a clam costume actually, with their human legs sticking out the bottom).  Everyone else from dinner had vanished and I was left alone to find this escaped fish/mascot creature.  So I grabbed a baseball bat (for protection) and started walking through this house which was a mansion full of party-goers.  I was a little scared, but I knew that Robin would show up soon to help me.  The rest of the dream was me stalking this creature through the various rooms.  It was always one step ahead of me and no one else at the party seemed to notice what was going on.  In the end, I believe Robin showed up and we got the situation under control.

Interpretation:
I'm exhausted just writing about that.  Fish apparently can represent insights from our unconscious mind.  Eating fish can symbolize luck and and nourishment.  But the fact that the fish transformed into something different and then suddenly I was pursuing it (instead of enjoying it) is significant.  I think this might relate to some recent financial decisions that Robin and I have made.  In a nutshell, we're currently quite comfortable where we are with our money but we've been talking about making some big financial commitments and risks.  We decided not to pursue this recently and we're happy with our logic and decisions.  I think this dream is reflecting that: eating fish represents good fortune and money, but then the fish changed into something a little menacing (financial risk) and Robin and I together were able to control it.

03.07.06  "Washing My Troubles Away"
Last night's dream sequence included one of those bizarre segments that don't really make sense.  I dreamt I was at my mother's old house and I was washing my car (with a hose and bucket).  However, I knew things weren't completely ok because I was actually in the living room and I was getting water all over her dining room table (my car was nowhere to be seen).  The details are pretty fuzzy but in the end I knew it would be okay and I wouldn't get in trouble.

Interpretation:
Washing your car signifies that your troubles will soon pass.  However, I think the actual lack of the car in the dream is important, not necessarily the details.  Perhaps I'm doing something in my waking life that I think is innocent enough but in fact it's having some detrimental effects.  It doesn't sound like it's too serious, but I should probably be aware of such things.

02.17.06  "Good-Bye Bud"
I didn't really like last night's dream.  I dreamt Robin found Bud alive.  I distinctly remember seeing him in the kitchen and I was very happy.  However he was acting strangely.  His movements were jerky and unnatural.  Then he was covered with his cat kibble so I took him outside to clean him.  It proved to be quite difficult because the dry cat food was more like red kidney beans and they were stuck to his fur.  Then he jumped up and ran away, and to my horror I realized that it wasn't Bud at all and instead I saw Bud's twisted, motionless body beside me.  I turned to Robin and said something like, "Oh no!  That wasn't Bud after all - that was Calvin.  Here's Bud, and he's dead!"

Interpretation:
No need to look up dead or injured cats.  The fact that Bud and Calvin were interchangeable in my dream means that I'm coming to terms with Bud's demise.  The fact that I was picking the cat food off Bud/Calvin - I think that speaks to the fact that I'm still hanging on to some hope that Bud is alive, but in the end it's futile.

This morning, I finally threw out the open can of soft cat food that's been sitting in the fridge.  And I think we should get rid of the kitty litter too.  I also noticed that the cat treats I'm leaving on the back porch haven't been touched in a few days.  I guess our mystery guest isn't even coming around anymore.

01.26.06  "Bad Guests"
I didn't like last night's dream.  It started out really cool - Robin and I had this huge mansion (swimming pool, marble floors, giant bathrooms, etc). When Robin left for work, he told me (or left me a note) that he gave some 'friends' permission to hang out at our house.  I was running around getting ready for work and there were about a dozen people in the house. They were all young-ish (late 20s?) and casual, and they didn't even acknowledge me.  And then, more and more people started to arrive.  I was very frustrated because they were in every room, I had no privacy, and they may as well have been total strangers.

So I called Robin and I was completely pissed off that he had let these people into our house and they were everywhere and very rude.  But the funny thing was I wasn't really directing the anger towards him.  I was more overwhelmed by the frustrations created by the strangers.

Interpretation:
What a frustrating dream.  So, houses can represent your soul and your self.  I think this dream somewhat represents some frustrations that I'm feeling.  In my waking life I've been really trying to book more 'me' time and down time.  I've been pretty successful, but I still feel somewhat pressured (internal and external pressures) to keep seeing friends and resume my hectic pace that I used to have.  Anyway.  In reality I'm going to stick to my guns and be sure that I schedule my relaxation time.  I've realized it's too important to give up.

01.11.06  "Follow-up to Yesterdays Dreamlog Entry"
After I had written about yesterday's dream, I read a local article (and even saw some gruesome photographs) about 3 pit bulls who attacked and killed a cat over the holidays.  Interesting.

01.10.06  "Feuding Dogs"
Last night's dream was pretty stressful and seemed to go on for a long time.  I dreamt I was back at my mother's house in North Vancouver (and surprisingly it looked exactly like in reality).  I was hiding from a very angry, aggressive dog (a German Shepherd).  I was trying to elude it (to save myself) and also to try and protect Calvin my cat.  I managed to save Calvin and run inside by luring the dog to a team of Pit Bulls that were tied as a sled dog team.  When I was inside, I could hear the horrible racket outside as they all fought.

Interpretation:
Apparently vicious dogs can represent an inner conflict and betrayal.  But I think the fact that I was trying to save Calvin is important in this dream.  I think in some way I was trying to save myself, a part of me.  This has been a common theme in the past as I've adjusted to new living arrangements and partners.  But this time, it seemed to come out of nowhere?

01.05.06  "Half-Conscious Morning Struggles"
This morning was pretty freaky.  I was caught in that stage halfway between sleep and consciousness.  After Robin left this morning, I fell back asleep and dreamt that there was an intruder in the house and I was trying to wake up so I could protect myself.  It was very frustrating because I wanted to be alert but my body wasn't responding.  At one point I decided to just start flailing my arms and legs around so if the intruder came in, I would at least put up some kind of fight.  Then in the dream, the door opened and it was actually Robin.  So, I was wrong about the intruder and I felt safe again.  But when I woke up for real, the house was quiet and Robin had been gone for some time.  It was very trippy.